Disclaimers: If they were mine, I'd probably stroke out pretty quick.
Spoilers: Vague hints of just about everything up until this point, plus
the mention of a character who we haven't met yet.
Ratings Note: NC-17.
Author's Note: I got the germ of this idea while talking with my
Webrain during the long, dark time of being computerless. It kind of
exploded on me. *snerk*
Acknowledgements: To my We, of course, and also to Iain, who's
pretty much the best cheerleader ever. <g> Oh, and the Spike
provided me with the title. Love her. LOVE her.
Feedback reminds me of the basic goodness in people.
It's the afternoon after this morning, which says about as much
as Clark actually understands about what happened. Though
maybe it says more.
It had come as a shock to meet someone from Lex's past, so
maybe it shouldn't have been a shock for the someone to be an
ex-girlfriend, or be a source of huge amounts of trauma, or
anything like that. Only someone with really strong feelings
would follow Lex to Smallville... at least, that *seemed* to be
the impression Lex gave in regards to his feelings about living
and working here.
So, either Victoria had to be the love of his life or someone
out to ruin him forever. That's just the way things worked out
in this town, and Clark had been proud of himself for the
thought. Made him feel adult, and just cynical enough to be
To someone. Somewhere.
Of course, Victoria had turned out to be kind of both, which
made Clark intensely relieved that he'd never tried his wit on
Lex about the woman. Lex is upset enough.
And Clark really has no idea what he should do about that.
There ought to be something, and there probably *is*, it's just
that it's not immediately obvious. Lex has a way of making Clark
feel his age precisely when he's not doing anything of the kind.
Pacing around the bedroom like something caged, dressed in
his usual mourning casual, not paying any attention to Clark
Clark feels... well, 'superfluous' would sound good, but it's not
really correct. More like something needed but in entirely the
wrong shape to be used. And he *had* been thinking about
medicines in a sort of vague, image-intensive way before the
whole shape and use issue came up, but he's not doing that
The little shock of finding out that Victoria had been Lex's...
girlfriend didn't sound at all right. Lex didn't have girlfriends.
Victoria had never been and will never be anyone's girlfriend.
Lover. Finding out that Victoria had been Lex's lover, seeing
that she suited him in every way Clark could see at first
glance... Smart and cynical and witty and drop-dead
*That* shock. That rush of dismay and dismay *at* the dismay.
The realization that he was even more confused than he thought
he was. Like there’d been a giant panda in his kitchen and he just
And then spending far too much of the past several days
wondering how, exactly, he'd be able to take Lex aside and ask
Those Questions without ever pointing out that the reason why he
was asking was that he was hoping Those Questions would lead
to banishing Victoria back to Metropolis, at least until Clark had
figured a few things out. Until Clark had gotten to see what it
If Lex would. Want that.
Feeling like a complete asshole, and *knowing* he deserved it, but
maybe Lex had really been flirting like Chloe had always said, but
maybe Chloe knew as much about sex -- and this is what it was and
is about, *sex* -- as he does, if not less, but maybe he really
should've been paying attention to the way Lex had started to look...
Tired and a little lost.
Clark had only gotten to meet Victoria once, and that had been brief.
He has less a picture of her in his mind than a series of impressions.
Beautiful. Powerful. Rich in a way even Lex couldn't approach.
Something in her attitude, maybe, instead of her bank account. She'd
sized him up and dismissed him with a gentle thoroughness.
Turned to Lex and leaned in to whisper something Clark knew
would've been cutting and accurate about himself, and bit Lex's
earlobe instead. Right out there in front of everyone. And Lex had
And that had been that, at least until the screaming news accounts
of rumored crimes at LuthorCorp, rumors of pay offs, endless
ambiguous pictures of Lex, endless ambiguous taped conversations
between Lex and Victoria, where he supposedly offered the 'truth'
behind his father's corporation.
Chloe couldn't help admiring the way Victoria had stashed the
bugs seemingly *everywhere*.
His father had only grunted in satisfaction, laid a hand on Clark’s
shoulder and Clark hadn’t been able to take the man’s... the
And then there had been the whole issue of Victoria's moral right,
and how she was only doing it for the environment, for the sake
of future generations, and Lex was locked up in his castle, hiding
from reporters all the way from *Gotham*.
And Clark was in his fortress, looking out across the town,
wondering about women who bite before kissing. Wondering
where Victoria was staying now, and what it had been like to make
love to her. To him.
And finally Lex had walked out of his castle's front door at exactly
twelve noon on the ninth day since Victoria had gotten into town.
Smiled, and gave a stirring speech on the danger of rumors... that
turned into a speech about the 'next generation of LuthorCorp,' and
'new ways of doing business,' and it was all... ambiguous.
And it wasn't at all.
Especially since Lionel Luthor had shown up the next day expressing
shock, expressing surprise, expressing confidence that all would be
set to right. What all? Sorry, no questions today.
Especially since the tapes Victoria had brandished in front of a dozen
television cameras wound up... blank. Blank on the day of Lionel's
speech, when Victoria had demanded live airtime to play her evidence
for everyone to hear.
And Clark had been running, having finally remembered that he
moved faster than anyone could reasonably *see*, running and
slipping in through the stables and up into the back kitchen and down
the hall and stopping *dead* just before what was probably the door
to Lex’s office, because it hadn’t occurred to him that Lionel might still
be *there* and it wasn’t every day you got to be face to face with what
the man you most trusted in the world honestly believed was the devil.
Or Clark’s face to the back of Lionel’s head.
Lex sitting casually on his desk, just as though he hadn’t been under
siege for the past several days while Lionel said...
“Of course I did.”
“I warned you once --”
“Oh, shut up, Dad. You’ve already given the speech.” Lex smiled then.
An almost dreamy look on his face. Clark pulled further back into the
“Because you’d made such a godawful mess --”
“That you *assumed* I wouldn’t be able to clean up myself. Tsk. I
thought we’d *had* that little talk about assumptions, Dad. I warned
you once -- you have no idea what I’m capable of.”
And Clark watched as he tossed the file he’d been casually holding in
his lap at his father, who caught it automatically. “And what thrilling
new feat of bookkeeping am I in for this time, Lex?”
“Just a few... suggestions on how you might live up to that wonderful
speech you gave. Have I told you how much it moved me? Because it
did. It really did.”
“You little bastard...” Clark lost what else Lionel said in the process of
trying to convince himself that he hadn’t just heard *pride* in the
“Oh, don’t worry, Dad. Nothing in there to give the stockholder’s ulcers.
Well. Not very *big* ulcers.
“The profit margin remains nice and wide, the PR coup is prodigious,
and children born today will never know what assholes we really are.
Sounds like celebration time to *me*. Shall I call for champagne?”
“No need to put yourself out, son. I’ll let myself out.”
“Your tears are balm to my aged heart, Lex, truly, but... one last
“I was never very impressed with Victoria. Not even when she made
such an effort to get to know me after the Founder’s Day event... do
you remember that night, Lex?
“Oh, no, that’s right. You were conspicuously absent that evening. Her
hair reminded me of your mother’s... but, of course, it was merely dyed...
“Take care. Son.”
And figuring out what Lex’s father had meant by that last comment took
long enough that Clark was nearly standing right in the door when the
man turned to walk out, but Clark managed to get around the corner
before he was seen.
Waited there for long minutes, until Lex switched on a television set
and Clark could hear Lionel’s voice again. Wondered, briefly, what
he was *doing* there, in this world of rich and awful people who
had sex with.... and that couldn’t really be what he meant, could it?
Still basically lurking when Lex appears in front of him, looking
Looking wary in a way that makes Clark want to throw something.
Like a truck. At Lionel Luthor.
“Lex, I... I honestly have no idea why I’m here. I mean, I know
why I’m here, I wanted to do... something... but I don’t know
what and. Uh. Yeah.”
Lex had closed his eyes, tightened his mouth, and said, “C’mon.”
Led Clark up the stairs to the little room outside what was
probably the master bedroom. Stopped there for a moment
before giving Clark a long, strangely *heavy* look.
“Do you *want* to know, Clark? What you can do?”
“Well, yes, I --”
Dark look directed at someone who might as well have been in
the room. “Be sure, Clark. I’m not feeling... patient today.”
Little shiver at that, everything he’d wanted to figure out a way to
say to Lex. That and more. “I trust you, Lex.” The only thing he
could think to say.
“Why? I mean, it isn’t as though Victoria lied about anything... to
the world at large.”
“Well, I... I overheard, Lex.”
And suddenly Lex is focused on him and *only* him. Like being the
only rabbit in the world in front of a pack of hungry wolves. A pack in
just Lex. Those eyes. Clark guessed that it had been a rough few
days. “You overheard what, Clark?”
“I overheard... ah. Some of what you were saying to your father...
about making changes.”
“And that’s enough for you to trust me?”
Not even asking about what else he might have overheard. Clark
nodded, and the pacing started, or maybe it had been going on for
a while. That sort of motionless pacing, pacing beneath the skin.
Lex’s skin nothing but a thin pale layer over bundled and corded
Clark has no idea what to do.
“Ask me a question, Clark.”
“A better question than that. Something... something to help me
“Start what...? I mean, okay, I’ll think of a better question.”
“Thank you.” A moment of stillness in front of a curtained window
Indifferent dimness of winter day. It may or may not be dark
outside. Lex could light a city.
“Why did you trust... her?”
“I didn’t. I never did. I... ask another question.”
Lex is still facing the window, but it *feels* like he’s just about to
turn and look at Clark. So much so that Clark catches himself waiting
for it. Or maybe just looking for any reason not to ask the next
question. But he has to know this. “If you didn’t trust her, then how
could you... be her lover?”
And Lex *does* turn at that, smiling bright and cold. “Is *that*
what you think we were, Clark? Victoria would be... amused to hear
that. Yes, I think that‘s the right word for it.”
“Clark...” Another smile. Warmer this time, but just as sharp.
“There are some things a lover can’t give you.”
Like being pulled in a hundred different directions at once. So many
ways to go, and part of him is ready to let indecision leave him silent
save for the very simple question in his eyes... something that might
be nothing but a dare to Lex at this point.
Another part wanting badly to *call* Lex for that last statement, so
sure, and Clark is sure it must be wrong, but what could he possibly
say to age and... experience?
“Jesus, Lex, what did she *do* to you?”
“Well. Well. That... that’s a wonderful question, Clark. A *good*
question. And I... yes. I’m going to answer it. Thoroughly. Do you
have any objections to that?” And Lex sounds... so *wild*.
“Sorry, you’ve used up your quota of questions, Mr. Kent. You can
only answer questions from this point until I’m finished. So. Do
you have any objections?” Hectic color in his cheeks.
“Not if this all leads to some idea of what I can do --”
“Yes or no, Clark.”
Lex’s tangle of emotion so raw, so huge and unknowable. Why is
he here? “I... no, Lex. Tell me.”
Lex clenches one hand into a fist, a convulsive little snap of the
tension that eases only gradually. He doesn’t move right away,
but again Clark can *feel* him, some part of him reaching
“Shh. No. Not right now. I just need...” And Lex disappears inside
the closet for a moment before coming out with a vaguely
familiar-looking box. Black lacquered, twined with something not
quite floral. Lex places the box on the dresser, centers it before
the large mirror.
Pulls over a chair, sits, and faces Clark with something like
languid rage through their reflections.
“Lex, what --”
“Do you know what Victoria said to me -- the *first* thing she said
to me after allowing me to seduce her just to the point of nudity?”
Clark swallowed. “No.”
“She... purred, Clark. And told me I was ‘as hairless as a little girl.’
“Then she laughed.
“Then we fucked.”
Lex opens the box, does something almost entirely unlike
rummaging. More of an unconscious sorting, a tactile rememorization
of everything in there. Clark can't see a thing.
And when Lex looks up again, he's holding a tube of lipstick. "I think
you can guess where things went from there. Victoria was -- is -- a
wonderful pervert. "And I... well.
"Women love an open-minded man." Looking straight at Clark.
Through him, maybe.
The lipstick is open, now. A somehow... suggestive... pink. Clark
wonders if this is the point where he's supposed to call the joke.
Clark wonders where the joke *is*.
"You're right, I'm doing this out of order..." sets the lipstick down
and disappears in the closet again for long moments.
Clark has the distinct impression that he should be closing his eyes.
That he definitely shouldn't be focusing on the closet door in *that*
way except that it's too late and he is and Lex is.
And maybe it shouldn't be a surprise that Lex is... that he's...
There's a light in the closet. It is, after all, the size of his parents'
dining room, and Lex is clear as anything. Facing out of the closet,
eyes somewhere else. Hairless.
Something in the smooth hollow of his armpit that makes Clark
Makes him forget not to follow Lex's hands as he undoes his
Clark looks away fast. Breathes. Not allowed to ask questions. Not
allowed to do anything but wait. Tasting the thought that he
*could* just leave like something intangible. A tasteless cloud.
When Lex comes out again he's wearing a robe. Silk, of course.
Impression of something beneath it, but the robe is closed up to
Bare smooth legs beneath the hem. Fine-boned feet and Clark
knows he's staring.
"Still with me, Clark?" Amusement doing nothing to hide the
underlying anger. Bright flash in those blue eyes under heavy
"Good. That's... good."
Lex returns to the chair in front of the dresser and he's looking
through Clark's reflection again.
Clark tries to school his face to... and realizes he has no idea *how*
he should be looking.
But he owes Lex honesty, so in the end he stops trying to hide his
The lipstick again, and this time Lex doesn't pause. Applies it with a
sort of slow expertise, nothing like anything he's seen his mother
do. His mother rarely does much more with makeup than brush it
on absently and forget about it.
Maybe something like Chloe, when she's got that strangely teasing
light in her eyes, but Lex's eyes are about a million miles away.
Right up until they aren't.
"You ever done anything like this before, Clark?"
"Wha -- I mean. Well, other than the time I ate most of a tin of
peach lip gloss, no."
Lex snorts. "Never tastes as good as it smells."
"Yeah, I know, but I just couldn't *believe* that."
And it feels, for a moment, just like any other conversation with Lex.
A little surreal, a little embarrassing in that healing way that means
it won't ever be *as* embarrassing again.
But Lex is back in his own world again. Dreamy eyes and coiled
Eyeliner making Lex's eyes both bigger and more stark, and Clark
wants to stop him, wants to reach out.
Eye shadow that seems a very pale purple until it goes on Lex's
skin like a slow bruising. Lex blinks at his reflection a few times,
Applies a little more.
Twist of a smile that... changes. Some indefinable *something* and
Clark finds himself leaning forward before he can think, but then it's
gone, and Lex has what looks like a very soft brush in his hand.
Focuses intently on Clark for a long, searching moment.
Brushes in what seems to be a very precise angle, one long and two
short on both cheeks.
Nods and opens a drawer at his left side and pulls out.
A wig. Somewhere between auburn and strawberry blonde.
"Lex, don't --"
And Lex looks at him curiously, but Clark doesn't know how to
object to this. Isn't even sure why he needs to. Winds up just
shaking his head, clenching his fists on the coverlet while Lex.
Puts it on.
Adjusts it faster than seems possible and then leans back in the
chair, wrapping one finger around the hint of a curl. Waiting for
something Clark can't even imagine.
And then stands, turns, and lets the robe puddle on the floor.
Clark gasps before he can stop himself, staring at the dress, at Lex,
staring and *searching*.
Jade sheath of a thing, stopping at the middle of Lex's thigh.
Watching helplessly as Lex smoothes it down over his hip and Clark
can't look up. Can't stop looking for what he knows he isn't going
Lex takes an almost hesitant half-step forward, knee bent, naked toes
just brushing the carpet.
"Look at me."
And there's something... something *wrong* with Lex's voice and
Clark *can't* -- "*Lex* --"
"Look at me, Clark." A change, a shift in tone, timbre, *something*
and Clark looks up.
Tries to focus only on Lex's eyes, but they're *different*, and the
shape of his face is both softer and more severe and his mouth.
His mouth is a girl's mouth, half-open with something
uncomfortably close to anticipation.
And Clark can't do anything but stare as Lex closes the distance
between them in something between a whole-body sway and a
stalk. Nothing and everything like the way Lex usually moves, as
though this was just a... relative or something.
Female and nowhere near as awkward as the shoulders and lack
But the walk made it seem as though hips *should* be there and
Clark has to shake his head, has to breathe in deep, hopelessly
jarred when the... relative still just smells like Lex. His friend.
"You wanted to know what it was like, didn't you, Clark?" And
Lex is touching his face, brushing a thumb almost too lightly over
his cheek, tilting Clark's head back until he's looking into those
The wrong eyes, wrong face, so close to his own.
"Is that all you wanted to know?"
Breath against his face and Clark squeezes his eyes shut.
Gasps when Lex kisses him, soft and sure and it's Lex, and he
never got to ask the right questions or maybe he did if this is
If this is what Lex wants.
Opens his mouth and kisses back, every repressed hunger driving
him forward, making him suck and lick and. Taste.
Pulls back shaking his head, brings his hands up between them to
push Lex away and touches what must be silk. Cool silk so smooth
his hands slip and he's touching skin, touching and touching and
Warm under his hands and Clark is tugging at the silk before he
knows what he's doing, palm flat to Lex's.
Chest. Hot, hard nipple thorned against Clark's palm and he gasps
again, opens his eyes to find Lex staring at him, all bleak heat and
Look that twists something inside, vicious and painful and Clark
doesn’t know what to do with it. Presses his hand hard against Lex’s
chest and tries to pull him closer with the other. Something like a
need to just *hold* him, but Lex pulls away, eyes going blank
“Oh, God, Lex, don’t do this..”
“Do you want me, Clark?”
“Yes, but I --”
And Lex comes close again, dress askew and Clark reaches for him,
but Lex catches his hands. “Lay down for me, Clark.”
“This... we don’t have to do this, Lex --”
“But I want to.” Emotion in his eyes again, but it’s nothing Clark can
even come close to reading. Lex’s hands holding his own like
something promised. The memory of Lex’s skin like a brand.
And Clark shifts back on the bed.
Leaves his hands at his sides with something like certainty -- this is
what he has to do.
Lex crawls onto the bed, straddling Clark’s thighs, dress slipping up,
pulling tight. He’s hard, and somehow that’s the easiest thing to
look at. Better than his eyes. Something between hope and surety
that he’ll get a chance to do... *something*.
Something more than what he’s being allowed.
Lex looking down at him with a studied curiosity, hands flat on his
own thighs. “Of course, this is only a... bare bones look at things.
Do you understand that?”
“I... don’t know.”
“Well, I should’ve had my nails done. I shouldn’t be so...” curling
his fingers under the hem of the dress and tugging, “obvious.”
Black silk. An edge of painful-looking lace and the darker black of
wet where Lex’s cock must be.
Clark can feel Lex’s eyes on him, knows he’s being watched for the
right reaction, the wrong reaction. He feels... pushed.
Pushed and manipulated and used and he wants so *badly* to
touch Lex, to hold him down and smear off the traces of that...
that *fucking* mask --
But when he reaches out this time Lex doesn’t stop him, and that’s
almost worse. Knowing that, on some level, he’s playing Lex’s
nasty little game. Angry when he grasps Lex’s cock through the
panties, squeezes until Lex moans and knows he’s doing it much
Rips the silk away and takes him in hand again. *Looks* at Lex,
trying to make him acknowledge that it isn’t about the makeup,
the dress, *Victoria*.
“You wanna hurt me, Clark?”
“You don’t have to lie to me --”
“God, Lex, why can’t we just... just...”
Lex tilts his head, a mockery of the familiar. Twist of a smirk on his
face, half-hidden by hair. “Just what?”
“Take the wig off.”
“You *know* why.”
“What’s the matter, Clark? Don’t you want to want me?”
“What... what? That doesn’t... this doesn’t have anything to do with
how I. Feel.”
Lex still above him, barely even breathing and it’s almost ridiculous
that Clark’s still holding his cock, but he doesn’t want to risk letting
“Well. Well. Aren’t you a surprise?”
“Are you going to take it off?”
“What will you do if I don’t?”
“Leave.” And it’s a shock to realize he *means* that, but he tries
not to let it show.
Pause, and he thinks he’s breathing too loud. Thinks he’s going to
start sweating pretty soon, thinks Lex is just going to... that him
leaving was what Lex wanted all along, even though that makes
less sense than just about everything else. He doesn’t want to go.
Finally, Lex takes a long, shuddering breath.
Pulls the wig off, lets it hang like the skin of some dead animal
from his hand. The teasing light is gone from his eyes, and he
just. Waits. And it *is* him. Lex. More Lex than he’s been in
what feels like years.
Clark releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Lets go
of Lex’s cock and rests his hands on his thighs. “Can we... start
“What do you see when you... when you look at me?”
“I have no idea how to answer that question without sounding
like a dork, Lex.” Tries a smile and gets a small one in return.
“You tore off my panties, Clark. That pretty much allows you one
“Well, gee, if I’d known that destroying people’s underwear got
you that much leverage...”
“I.. yeah. Okay. I got this. If you laugh I’m going to mess up your
pretty dress, too. You‘re smart and sexy and I just. You *look* at
me and I. Lex, I want you, okay? You. Not the. Games.”
“And if I am the games?”
“You’re not. And I won’t believe you if you say you are.” Biting off
the rest because he's blushing. Harder. That young thing again.
"Are you...? I want to kiss you. Again."
"Are you asking me if I'm going to flip out on you again? You are...
oh, Clark." Hands resting on his own and Clark searches Lex's eyes.
Moves their hands together up Lex's thighs. Squeezes. Skin like sleek
fire on his palms. He hasn't even begun to think about the
implications of. Anything. Licks his lips and can't watch Lex's face
anymore. Has to *see*.
Darkening cock rising from pale skin the exact texture of the inside
of his elbow. Smooth and unmarked and Lex's fingers curl against
the backs of his hands.
"Clark, God, I'm sorry --"
Shakes his head sharply. He *can't* hear this now.
"You're not going to let me apologize? I won't let you tell me you
don't deserve one."
"No, I'm not, and yes, I do, and I just... not right now, okay?"
"All right. So... what *do* you want to do right now?"
"What would you have done if I... if I hadn't have stopped you?"
"I would've sat on your cock and made you fuck me."
"Oh. Oh, God --"
"No, I'm sorry, it's too late for regrets now..."
And Clark knows his eyes must be taking up most of his face but
he can't do a thing about it.
"No, Clark, I'm afraid *that* plan's out the window. I'm just going
to have to... sit on your cock and make you fuck me."
"Wha...? Lex, you... you..."
"See what I mean about games, Clark?" And the teasing is back,
but it's... gentler this time. "I want you. Inside me. Do you want
"I. Oh God, Lex, yes, but I don't... I haven't..."
"It's okay, I'll show you what to do. God, when you smile like
And Lex bends down. Kisses him hard and lets Clark hold him there.
Shape of skull to palm like something fundamental and meant and
Clark slips his other hand around Lex's back. Fumbles for the zipper
and isn't at all careful about pulling it down.
He doesn't think he ripped it, though.
Surprising sweat at the base of Lex's spine, slick and wet and hot
and Clark spreads it around, opens his mouth to Lex's tongue and
sucks a little helplessly. Arching up when Lex moans and suddenly,
painfully aware of his own erection. Thinks about trying to
convince his mother that he needs much looser jeans from now
on and then just rubs up against Lex.
It doesn't ease the ache, but it makes it better. Sharper and more
diffuse all at once. Lex bites Clark's lip and thrusts hard against him
once, again, and Clark is scrabbling at the dress, trying to pull it
down and finally just slipping up under the hem.
Tears away the scrap of black silk and throws it and Lex's ass.
The *feel* of it.
Has to break the kiss just to breathe, think, stroke and squeeze.
Suddenly frantic with it, the knowledge that Lex is *letting* him --
Lex's mouth on his jaw, biting kisses that feel like permission, feel
like winning in the scariest way imaginable, and Clark pulls Lex
against him, makes him thrust and throw his head back and --
“Wha...?” Freezes. Remembers that he’s still wearing his jeans.
“Oh, God, sorry --”
Lex chuckling against his throat before bracing himself up on his
elbows. “No worries, Clark, but... why don’t we get you out of
the denim of pain, hmm?”
“Oh. Ah. Okay.”
“You okay, Clark?” Watching him closely, concern under all the
thrillingly *familiar* hunger.
Stupid to just *suddenly* realize that he’d have to get naked,
too. Stupid that the shyness would catch him *now*. “I... yeah.”
But Lex pulls away. “Uh-uh, no way, Clark, what is it?”
“Lex, it’s nothing, I just --”
“So you get to bullshit me when I don’t get to bullshit you? That
doesn’t seem fair.” More there than Lex is saying. Too much more.
Which is pretty much the point, isn’t it? “Oh. Well. No. Okay,
here it is, I just felt. Shy. All of a sudden.” Forces himself to look
Who looks absolutely shocked. “Shy?”
“You ripped my panties off, Clark.”
“Do you have any idea how disturbing it is that you keep talking
about them as *your* panties?”
Lex snickers, groans a little and gives his cock an absent squeeze
that makes Clark want his mouth back, his body back. Lex raises
an eyebrow at him. “Well, whose panties *should* I be wearing,
Laughs. “There’s just no good answer to that question.”
“Mmph. Really? What if I wore *your* --”
“Don’t say it --”
“My dick right where yours had been...”
Makes something twist inside him and Clark’s arching up again and
the jeans have to come off *now*. Fumbling at his fly until Lex’s
hands settle over his. Viciously gentle.
“Yeah... oh, God, please --”
Lex hisses in a breath and works the buttons deftly and Clark realizes
that he’s arching his hips up but he can’t relax until Lex has him free.
Sight of his own stiff cock something between a shock and a goad.
Seeing it like this, watching Lex look at it and his curious little smile.
“Uncut? In Kansas? My compliments to your pediatrician, Clark...”
And Lex is moving, bending --
Heat and wet suction and Lex’s tongue the sweetest, cruelest thing
Clark has ever felt, dipping into the slit and teasing at his foreskin
and Clark can’t control the noises he’s making, rhythmic grunting
as he tries not to push, tries not to force Lex’s head further down.
Groaning low and long when Lex pulls off and looks at him.
“Still feeling shy?”
Rips off his shirts in answer and Lex is grinning at him, tugging his
jeans and boxers down while Clark toes off his shoes. Lex slips the
rest of the way out of the dress and Clark just stares for a minute.
Body somewhere between slim and lean. Pale and almost alienly
gorgeous to Clark, a thought not as funny as it should be. “God,
you’re so sexy, Lex...”
Lex running a hand down his chest, over his belly, down to his cock.
Standing at the foot of the bed and jacking himself as lazy as his
smile. Magnetic feel of his own cock to hand and they’re staring at
each other, Clark up on one elbow and taking in all of Lex that he
can see. Eyes and mouth and belly and cock and he thinks, maybe,
he could be satisfied with this if he can watch Lex come.
Watch his face.
But what Lex had said... “Lex, come back.”
And Lex shakes his head, looks a little dazed. Licks his lips and nods.
Crawls back over Clark and kisses him. So easy to just wrap his arms
around him and *do* this. Make out. Make something like love,
and Clark thinks he maybe never knew what that meant before.
Lex’s strangely pretty face and hard, male body just exactly what
he needs. Skin to skin, cock to cock and moving and Clark’s actively
trying to hold back but he doesn’t think he can, much longer.
“Mmph, yeah, hold on --”
Reaching over Clark to get to the night table, rummaging for a
wonderful few moments of skin to skin and Clark lets his hands
roam, half-accidentally getting a finger in Lex’s cleft.
Jerking when Lex does, skin prickling with the certainty of this, the
knowledge that Lex is going to let him -- *make* him -- fuck
him. Get inside.
Mindlessly spreading Lex with one hand and getting his first feel
of that little hole, crinkled skin, heat and sweat and Lex’s harsh
Teasing there with a sort of lazy concentration, the absent
awareness of Lex cursing and fumbling, half-sprawled over him
and so wonderfully *available*. Something between a gift and a
biological imperative. Moans a little when he slips just the tip of
one finger inside, when Lex freezes over him for a breathless
moment and then just.
“You want to talk *now*?”
Shocks a laugh out of Clark. “No, I just... is this okay?” Pushing
“You’re... you’re doing fine. Just let me get the lube, okay?”
“Oh... oh, god, sorry --”
“Mmm. Don’t apologize, Clark.”
And Lex shifts away a little more and finally comes up with a tube.
Grinning over his shoulder at Clark like a magician about to perform
his best trick. “It’ll be easier if I get on my hands and knees.”
Surge of pre-come and Clark has to grab his cock. Squeeze a
little. “Oh God --”
“Can you hold it, Clark? I could --”
“God, if you say it, I’m gonna come right now, Lex.”
And Lex is on him again, pushing him down on the bed and kissing
him, fucking Clark’s mouth with his tongue and raking short, sharp
nails over his nipples and --
“*Lex*, I can’t --”
“Gonna take the edge off, it’s okay...”
Nowhere near enough time to figure out what that means before
Lex is moving down his body, tongue darting into his navel enough
to make Clark buck and scrabble at the sheets and then Lex is so
close to his cock that his breath’s just another tease.
“Wanted to do this anyway...”
Clark groans at the low husk of Lex’s voice, bites off a yell at the
liquid stripe of Lex’s tongue over the leaking head of his cock. No
time to beg before Lex just swallows him whole. White-out flash
of something almost too intense to be pleasure and --
“oh God I can’t I can’t --”
Lex’s eyes on him bright and *hungry* and Clark comes yelling,
comes in Lex’s *mouth* and Lex is swallowing and swallowing and
drives him higher and higher until it’s like being dropped from a
Landing hard and mindless, sated in a way he can’t quite believe.
Lex crawling back up the bed, searching Clark’s face, seemingly
memorizing it while Clark tries to remember how to think.
Lex leaning in close, “taste yourself, Clark...” and kissing him
deeply. Slick, wet mess of a kiss, impossibly sexual and Clark
*wants* this. All of it.
Knows he’s going to get it.
Rolls them over because he has to, has to take advantage of all the
sensitivity to just *feel* Lex. Under him and still kissing, not trying
to get away. An honesty in this that he does and doesn’t want to
examine very closely. Everything of the past months, all the
disasters, all the unwelcome surprises, all the questions he hasn’t
been allowed to answer.
All the answers he’s never going to get.
But this, here, is something to hold onto. Something tangible, solid
and meaningful beneath the simple *pleasure* of it.
Lex, and all the lessons that could, maybe, hurt a little less if he
Lex’s arms around him like a blessing. Rising desperation like a
scent. Clark can *do* this, be this person who makes love to Lex
Luthor. Gets closer in the simplest way imaginable, and maybe close
enough to trust.
Breaks the kiss to breathe, think. Push down the flood of anxiety
that has nothing and everything to do with *pleasing* Lex. Too
many secrets and Clark knows everything showing in his eyes right
now, can see it in the dazed question of Lex’s gaze. Feel it in the
unwilling hesitation and knows that if Lex were to ask, right now,
all those questions Clark has had to lie in response to...
Watching Lex get angry, watching Lex close up and God, he never
wants that again.
Now that he’s had. This.
Decision like flight and Clark lets himself smile, knowing exactly
how goofy it makes him look and not caring at all.
“And just what’s making you grin like that, hmm?”
Small sound somewhere between amazement and disbelief and Lex
is pushing up against him, hard and wet against Clark’s belly and
yeah, the edge. God, yeah.
“What can I... show me how to make you come, Lex, I wanna
“Oh, *fuck*, Clark, just touch me...”
“Do you want my... my mouth?”
Groan that makes the short hairs stand up on the back of his neck,
makes him prickle and thrust and fall into sharp little movements
that are going to make him hard again really, really soon.
Kisses Lex again, just long enough to suck his tongue in a promise.
Moves down Lex’s body, pausing once to rest his cheek against Lex’s
belly, hitching and alive beneath him. Flushed warm and slick with
sweat. Tastes him there and shifts off, feet dangling over the side
of the bed and Lex’s dark cock filling his vision.
Smell of him both rich and raw, pure sex making Clark’s mouth
water. Licks the shaft. Does it again, fast, and then over and over
again, half-wondering about the picture he’s making and pushing
his head back against Lex’s palm.
Shakiness of it this visceral shock that makes Clark groan. Makes him
just *need*. Licks the head of Lex’s cock, salt-wet and faintly bitter.
Needful. Takes him in just before he *knows* Lex would start
cursing and sucks *hard*.
About to pull back when Lex’s finger tangle hard in his hair and he
gets that he’s done precisely the right thing. Does it again and slips
down the shaft. Random sense of a *ride*, the best not-quite-water
park ever and it’s Lex’s *cock*.
Lex’s cock in his mouth and Lex’s hand in his hair, pushing against
him when Clark tries pulling back again, only relaxing when Clark
manages to telegraph his intentions. Wants to fuck his mouth like
this, wants to control this on some basic level. More real this way,
maybe for both of them. Lex’s other hand tracing his hollowed
cheek, tremblingly gentle with need and Clark is drooling.
Wetting everything down, making it hotter, making it better. Wraps
his fist around the base of Lex’s cock, groaning at the tactile
reminder of just how *smooth* it is there.
How bare and.
Clark wants so bad to *protect* Lex, and has no idea who it could
be from if not himself.
Can’t even imagine pulling back now, in any way.
Weight of him on his tongue, stretch of his mouth and Clark realizes
that he’s moaning almost continuously, Lex choked gasps blending
in with that and the wet sounds, the *sex* sounds. Like drowning
and Clark wants *more*.
Slips down another inch until he’s almost kissing his fist, Lex’s cock
thudding against the back of his throat and Lex’s body just *wild*
with it. Has to *see* this.
Opens his eyes just as Lex is arching up, eyes squeezed shut and
groaning in something so close to agony that Clark has to thrust
against the coverlet. Suck a little harder and lick and bruise his
mouth with the fuck. Raggedly off-rhythm, lost to the spasming
grip of Lex's hand in his hair and Clark *knows* he's going to
Eye-watering *yank* on his hair that Clark ignores and. The
Flood of it overwhelming and Clark swallows once and then forgets
how, choking and pulling back and Lex comes, God, all over his
Can't even think to wipe it off until Lex opens his eyes and then
Clark's *frozen* by the look on Lex's face.
"Oh, Jesus, *Clark*..." Hoarse little whisper that makes Clark lick
his lips, tasting nothing but Lex. *Lex*.
Made him *come*.
And Clark has to laugh at the sudden wash of *unfair* that comes
over him when he realizes that there's probably no one he can
brag about this to.
Lex looking at him with a cock-eyed curiosity and Clark blushes.
Yeah, explain to Lex that you want to go crow about making him
come, that'll work... Shakes it off, swipes at the few spatters and
crawls up over Lex again. Like drinking him in to be this close, to
have him in his mouth, to be hard and *know* they'll be able to
do this again.
Kissing slow... *being* kissed. Lex searching his mouth for his come,
breaking off to take these sharp little licks at Clark's face, cat-like
and impossibly seductive. Clark can't stop staring, can't stop himself
from catching that little pink tongue and sucking at it. Keeping it,
claiming it in some way he doesn't really understand.
Finally just settling in close, on their sides. Lex's body this
gleamingly pale sweetness Clark can touch, God, all over.
Watching Lex’s face and waiting for him to watch him in *that*
way, that questioning way that will give him the excuse. Maybe
just the moment. Touching his face until he opens his eyes
and *there* it is.
More like being searched in a way that makes Clark wonder if he’s
missed something vitally important and terrifying.
Twist of his mouth and Lex turns over on his back. Stares up at
the ceiling for long moments of silence.
Clark reaches out, but he isn’t as sure of permission, now. Hand
hovering over Lex’s chest, warmth of him not quite reaching through
the thin cushion of air. “Lex, what...?”
“My father used to give me puzzles that couldn’t be solved without
cheating, Clark. I can’t even begin to tell you what that made me
feel like when I finally figured it out. It was supposed to be a lesson
on the nature of Gordian knots. Do you know the reference?”
Wha...? “Uh... Alexander the Great?”
Distracted sound of agreement. “Though, really, you could go all
the way back to Solomon and the question of the child... though I’m
not sure my father approved of the way *that* one ended. Well.
Whatever he intended, the lesson came through. Perhaps better
than he would’ve wished...
“In any case, sometimes you really do just have to hack through
the obstacles, the *puzzles* -- and never mind about the rules.”
Lex turns to face him again, clear and direct. A demand. “I think
you know what I’m talking about, Clark.”
And this is just completely wrong, not the way it was supposed
to go. Like scrabbling for purchase on bad earth. “Lex, I have
no idea --”
“I swear to God, Clark, I will *not* listen to you lie to me
*again*.” Rage like a *weight*.
“No, Lex, let me *finish*...” Sets his hand down on Lex’s chest at
last. Presses down a little, then a little more. A hint beyond that
invisible line he’s always thought of as Normal.
Lex grunts softly and the anger in his eyes makes Clark swallow
“I just... I just don’t know how to *say* this, Lex...”
Another searching look and Clark can feel Lex soften. A little.
“I’ve thought... I’ve thought it would be... easier, somehow, if
you weren’t. Who you are. But then it wouldn’t really matter,
“I... I don’t...”
“*Clark*. What the fuck do I have to do to prove to you that I
won’t hurt you?”
“That’d be a lot easier to take without the eye shadow, Lex.” Knows
it’s the wrong thing to say before it’s completely out of his mouth,
but God, it’s *true* --
“So is it time for me to apologize now? Would that help you...
say whatever it is you think I need to hear?”
“No, I... God, *Lex*. Can we just... can we just pretend I didn’t
just say that?”
“Fuck. *Fuck*.” Visible struggle, Lex’s hand over his own, not
quite touching for long seconds until he balls it into a fist and slams
it down at his side. “No, no we *can’t*, because you had a fucking
right to, and I’ll get that when I’m just a little less pissed off,
but... Clark. I’ve showed you -- I. No. No more secrets.”
And he’s never been so scared in his life. It doesn’t feel easy at all
anymore, not even close. Lex’s eyes on his like freefall. “I’m not
Barely enough time to breathe after saying that before Lex makes
a dismissive gesture. “Neither are half the people *in* this town.
Not anymore, at least. What else?”
“Uh. I... well, jeez, Lex, what else do you need? I mean, I’m not
human. I can... I can do things.”
Lex scrubs a hand over his face in something like frustration.
“Okay. Okay. I hit you with my car, didn’t I?”
“I... yeah. You did.”
“And the roof?”
“You were... I had to rip it off to get you out of there.”
Lex blows out a breath. Shudders so hard it’s scary.
“Lex? Are you...” About to run screaming? Funny how he hadn’t
thought of that when he’d decided to tell him. Or not so much
funny as horrifying.
“I’m... heh. I’m okay. It’s just a little strange to realize that the
only reason you’re alive is that the poor bastard you ran over
happened to have...” Looks at Clark again, questioning.
Clark nods. Considers leaving it at that for a long second that makes
him hate himself. “And... other stuff, too.”
But Lex only nods. “What I can’t figure out is the meteorite thing.
Why --” And suddenly stops himself and really *looks* at Clark.
“God, Clark, you really haven’t told anyone else, have you?”
“Well, my parents know...”
Dismissive shake. “You’ve held all this in and you’re telling *me*?”
“I... well...” Shrugs, uncomfortable as he can ever remember being.
Worse than that first ill-timed erection in the middle of English class.
Lex’s hands on his face, soft but firm. Turning Clark to face him. “I
thought you...” Shakes his head. “I don’t know what I thought. I
just. Thank you, Clark.”
“Just don’t, you know...”
“Call back the reporters and expose you to the world?” Rueful
“I’m pretty sure they’re still camped on your lawn, Lex.”
“*God*. This castle is getting really old, really fast... but how did
you get through all of them?”
“I... um. I can run. Faster than people can see.”
Lex blinks. Grins at him a little wide-eyed. Flash of what he’d used
to wish every day he’d get to see on Lana’s face, and seeing it on
Lex’s is something between disturbing and.
Leans in as slowly as he can manage, giving Lex time to pull away,
but utterly incapable of asking for permission first. Doesn’t want to
hear anything but yes. And Lex’s eyes flash unreadably for a
moment, but Lex smiles, closes his eyes. Kissing each other with
nothing between them. Deep and slow and unbearably erotic.
Clark is hard again instantly, pushes against Lex’s body and Lex’s
hands on him are exactly what he needs. Something real, proof
that Lex isn’t going to run away at all. All the better that he didn’t
have to ask. Strong fingers kneading at the base of his spine,
making Clark need to throw a leg over Lex’s, pull him as close as
he can manage without having to stop kissing.
Lex makes a small sound into his mouth and Clark realizes that he
hadn’t bothered to hide his strength... but Lex just kisses him
harder, teases Clark’s tongue into his mouth and manages to
demand to be fucked with it without saying a word. Breathing
through their noses and Clark has to roll on top of Lex, has to
push harder, taste him, pull back just far enough to suck on his
lower lip, bite it a little.
Looks a question at Lex but can feel him stiffening against his hip.
Power, *real* power here. Air thick and spicy with it and
everything Clark needs.
Pulls back onto his knees so he can *touch*. Push at the slight
concavity below Lex’s ribs, roam over all that wonderful skin, dolphin
sleek and flushed again. Tiny pink nipples his fingers have to catch.
Tries a pinch and Lex hisses through his teeth. Clark doesn’t want to
blink. Twists and Lex arches, joins his hands to Clark’s and urges
him to do it again.
Clark sucks in a breath and does it. Shifts enough to get their cocks
lined up and hisses at the contact. Hot and pure and dirty all at
once, Lex reaching down to squeeze them together, jack them
together while Clark keeps playing with his nipples.
Deep rose like his mouth, bruised and hard for him and Clark
doesn’t want this to stop.
Thrusting into Lex’s fist, against his cock, skin and pre-come and this
is perfect. Thinks maybe it’s just one of many perfects he can have
in this room, on this bed, with this man who wants him and cares
about him and doesn’t care that he’s a freak.
Wants Lex inside of him.
Blushing and shuddering at the thought, at the sheer *want* of it
and the wonder that it’s possible. Everything just one beautiful
surprise after another, and the idiotic urge to make Lex celebrate
the fact that sex *exists*. That it’s supremely, wonderfully possible
between the two of them.
“Lex... oh... oh God, do that again. With your thumb...”
“I’ll take that as a yes...”
“Yeah... yes... everything, Lex, I want everything --”
Bitten off groan his only warning before Lex sits up, nearly
knocking Clark off the bed. Cocks between them still held, but still
now. Tighter. So close he can feel Lex’s pulse all over his body.
Lex’s eyes dark with want and Clark wraps his arms around him
and just kisses, has to kiss Lex whenever he looks like that, get
close, closer. Inside, yes, inside...
“You ready to fuck me, Clark?”
“Oh, God yes... or you can fuck me, Lex, I want you --”
Lex’s hands in his hair, yanking him in for another kiss, another.
Biting kisses all around his mouth, on his chin, on his throat --
“Lex, please, *harder* --”
Amused low voice against his skin. “I don’t want to send you
home with a hickey, Clark.”
“You won’t... you won’t be able to mark me...”
Lex pulls back. Stares at him for long moments. “Are you sure?”
Clark nods. Tries a shaky smile and then just offers his throat.
Hears Lex growl and braces for a bite, but Lex just licks him.
Smiles against his throat and licks again. Drags his mouth wetly over
the skin there and Clark has to cradle him close. Goosebumps all
over now, Lex stroking them slow and ruthless and Clark hears
himself begging. The bite comes just as slowly, pressure increasing
and increasing and it *hurts* but it also goes straight to his cock.
Jolting bright pure sensation and Lex licking there and sucking all
the way around his neck, making Clark’s head loll back.
Making him moan and try to thrust a little faster into Lex’s fist.
“Easy, Clark... make it last.”
Lex bites him hard, again and again, almost mauling him now,
licking and sucking and driving Clark crazy. Hand slipping around
and down to tease his ass. Slip between and slide through the sweat
there, the world’s least appropriate tickle. Too sexy to laugh at.
Lex’s finger circling his hole while he sucks beneath Clark’s ear.
Rubbing over it again and again, biting Clark’s ear lobe. “I really
want you to fuck me, Clark, but I don’t think you have the...
control for that right now, do you?”
“I... no... will you fuck me?”
Gasp and the finger slips inside just a little. Mirror of earlier, a
lifetime ago. Strange and rough and *good*. “Yeah, Clark. I will.
C’mon. Get on your hands and knees for me.”
Pulls away and Clark shivers in the sudden cold. Seems like they’ve
been skin to skin forever. Like they should’ve been. But Lex is
staring at him with that wondering look over all the underlying
lust. *Clean* lust somehow. Like Lex was only waiting for Clark
to really, truly trust him.
And he does.
Turns around and gets into position and Lex doesn’t make him
wait. Covers him and strokes his arms and nuzzles the back of
his neck. Clark lets his head hang down, spreads his knees a
little wider. “You feel so good, Lex...”
Low laugh. “I’m glad.” Kisses trailing down his spine and showing
no signs of stopping and then oh God *there*. Tongue in his cleft
slick-sliding down to his hole. Around and around and in. Stabbing
shocks of pleasure and Clark’s thighs are trembling almost
immediately. Arms weak for this and Lex is giving him everything.
Holding him open and taking him this way and Clark can’t keep
from pushing back on it. Begging for faster, more.
Needing this thing he’s never even *heard* of and Lex gives it.
Thrusts in deeper and Clark realizes he’d only felt the tip of Lex’s
tongue before with something like a cracked groan.
Control slipping fast and he’s sweating and he thinks he might be
begging, only he’s not sure there are actual words. Too good.
Incredible. Gonna maybe come like this before Lex ever gets inside
“Lex god Lex you have to stop need you *in* me --”
“Ah, fuck, okay. God. Okay. Just let me...”
Lex fumbling in the tangled sheets and Clark uses his X-Ray vision
to help, inadvertently peering all the way down to a sub-basement
before getting control. Plucks the tube out from under a random
fold of linen and passes it back.
“How did you...?”
“Nowhere near as cool as it should be.”
“Were your parents feeding you meteorites for *breakfast*?”
“Um. Actually... uh. I *was* a meteorite. Fell to earth. Can
“Wait... wait... are you saying you’re an *alien*?”
“Uh... yeah. Lex, this is kind of an awkward conversation to have
when you’re naked and on all fours.”
Snorted laughter and Clark looks over his shoulder to find Lex
grinning crookedly at him.
“I *told* you I wasn’t human.”
“Yeah, but I just thought you’d mutated, like, well. Me.”
Too hard to sound anything like patient. “Does it bother you? I
mean, I was *raised* human...”
Lex’s hands on him, stroking his back. Soothing him like an animal
and very obviously thinking about a lot of different things at once.
Making Clark think and oh, no.
How had he forgotten?
“Lex? I... I’m sorry about the meteor shower.” Absolutely amazing
to be allowed to say it, at last.
Snaps Lex out of it with an almost audible crack. “What did you
“I said... I’m sorry about the meteor shower. I. You know.
Lex brushing a hand over his scalp distractedly, looking down at
himself. Face twisted into shock and something else that’s entirely
unreadable but probably not good. “I. Jesus. You think you...
caused it? You and your... spaceship?”
Clark shifts onto his back. Pulls his knees up. Nods.
Lex covers his face with his hands for a long time. His shoulders
shake and the sounds, oh God, the *sounds* --
Clark crawls over quickly, puts his hand on Lex’s shoulder and
squeezes gently. “God, Lex, you have no idea how sorry I am...”
And when Lex uncovers his face his eyes are suspiciously bright,
but he’s. Laughing. “All my life... All these years looking for
someone, *anyone* to blame... and it’s you. It’s *you*...” The
wondering look is back.
Clark swallows and nods again.
“An alien baby in a spaceship followed by a bunch of weird green
rocks. Jesus. *Jesus*, what a fucking *joke*!”
“If I could change it --”
Rage back in a flood that makes Clark flinch. “No. *No*. Don’t
start that. Am I supposed to believe that a baby deliberately
crash-landed his... his *spaceship* in the field I was hiding in to
avoid my *father*?”
“Shut up, Clark. God, just shut *up*. I won’t *let* you take the
blame for this. This whole town full of murderous freaks.”
“It’s my *fault*, Lex!”
“What are you, Catholic?”
“Never mind. No. Look. If it’s your fault, so’s everything else. A baby.
Nothing is *ever* a baby’s fault, Clark... *Christ*! What kind of
pathetic *loser* would I be if I wanted revenge on a fucking *baby*?”
Makes him angry. “I’m not a baby *now*.”
“No. You’re the guy that’s running like a madman all over this
town cleaning up everybody else’s messes. *My* messes. How
many times have you saved my life now?”
“That’s not... I mean, none of it would’ve happened if I hadn’t...”
“So, let me get this straight, Clark. All these people wound up
with fantastic new powers, right? Powers like yours.”
Snorts. “Oh, I don’t know. Power to make everyone in the universe
stare at you? I know people who’d pay good money for that.”
“Clark. The powers.”
“Yes, okay, fine. People. Powers. But look how they *used*
“Look how you use yours.”
“Yeah, Clark. *Oh*.”
“Clark... what kind of people throw a baby into a spaceship and
send it hurtling towards random, densely populated planets?”
“You‘ve never thought about that? Who your real parents must be?”
Lex reaches out, traces Clark’s cheekbone. “Not even once?”
Draws back. “The Kents are the only parents I know.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure *they* wouldn’t shoot a baby into space,
which, in my book, is an automatic improvement over whoever
actually gave birth to you.”
Has to curl in on himself a little tighter. Can’t look at Lex right now.
Has to think and doesn’t want to. *His* fault, everything was. But
if it wasn’t? Too much to think about, to be just another...
To be just... small. Just another speck in the universe.
“How long have you been blaming yourself for this, Clark?” Lex’s
voice so gentle it hurts.
“I... I didn’t find out until a few months ago.”
Clark can’t come up with anything to say to that, so he just hugs
his knees. Feels the bed dip as Lex comes closer, until they’re just
barely not touching. Clark looks up and finds Lex watching him
with a small, rueful smile.
"And here I thought *I'd* win for most traumatic exposure of
Clark laughs, more than a little shocked. He'd gotten used to
seeing Lex and *only* Lex through the seriously abused
"Are you okay, Clark? With all of this?"
"It's been kind of a weird day... but. I think maybe I will be."
Tries a smile.
"Ask me again after I. Um. Process a little more. I mean, it's not
every day that you get to come out as an alien. And gay. A big,
gay alien. Wow. Lex?"
"Can you make me not think for a while?"
And Lex answers by kissing him, soft mouth and hard man and
Clark spreads his legs to pull him closer, pull them down until Lex
is on top of him and he can just be pressed down. Held down and
grounded and maybe Lex can hear his thoughts, because he takes
Clark's hands. Twines them with his own and holds them down
against the bed.
Rush of gratitude like a flood, like all the blood right back to his
cock and thank God, there's nothing Clark can think about but
how good this feels.
How much better when Lex shifts so that their cocks are aligned
and begins to thrust, slow and hard. Legs tangling together and
Lex's are smoother than the linen, smoother than anything human
has a right to be. Wants to brush his cheek against his thighs,
once to lick and kiss and bite him there.
Settles for writhing under him, letting his skin be greedy with
the sensation of Lex’s.
Taking care of him.
Heat rising between them faster than he can believe and soon
Clark's going to need, very badly, for this to be faster. Harder.
Wants Lex to be inside him by then.
Shifts them so that Lex's wonderful legs are between his own,
pushing up and begging for this with his body. Groans aloud when
Lex's cock slips between his cheeks for two sharply thrilling thrusts
that are all promise.
Sucks hard on Lex's lip and breaks the kiss. "God, Lex, now,
"Christ, yes, c'mon turn over..."
Lex releases him, moves over just enough to let Clark turn over.
Slide of skin on skin and his cock pressing against the rumpled
sheets, nowhere near as good as what he’d had before but Clark
can’t help but thrust a few times before pulling up onto his
Hands on his ass, not soothing so much as examining by touch.
Clark pushes back against them. “Please.”
“Anything you want, Clark...”
A moment, two, and Lex runs a suddenly cool, slick finger down
the cleft of his ass. Another moment to realize just how *messy*
this is going to be and Clark moans. Pushes back again --
“Gonna slip a finger in now... just one at first, okay?”
Does it slow enough that Clark can feel every millimeter. Realizes
that he’s clenching up a little and forces himself to relax. Strange,
subtle wrongness of the feeling that makes his eyes go wide, makes
him breathe a little harshly even though there’s nothing like pain.
“You okay, Clark?”
And Lex pushes in the rest of the way, shockingly long fingers.
Twists and presses *up* before Clark can fully assimilate the
feeling and suddenly everything’s white. Bright and blinding and --
“Oh God, do that again...”
And Lex does. Again and again and Clark is thrusting back against
him and struggling to control the sounds he’s making with nothing
like success. Whimpers and groans and gasps and he can’t stop,
begging Lex not to and only realizing several beats later that there
are two fingers now, scissoring and crooking *inside* him.
Stretching him open and brushing against that *spot* every few
strokes, enough to keep Clark twisting on it. Hooked and needing.
Lex’s free hand on his hip, not guiding or even really squeezing.
Resting there and following Clark’s own motions like he just wants
to. Ride him.
“Oh, Lex...” Can’t believe how low his own voice sounds, something
like but completely different from sleep. Sex-drunk.
“That’s right, Clark, show me how much... how much you want it...”
And Lex sounds just as lost.
Makes it better, hotter. “Fuck me, Lex, *please* --”
“*God* --” Near-vicious finger crook that makes Clark yell, makes
him buck hard enough to move the bed and Lex is pulling out, kissing
the base of his spine.
Crinkle of plastic behind him and a pause. Clark looks back over his
shoulder just in time to see Lex slicking his gloved cock and. Staring.
Clark swallows, completely *aware* of his ass for maybe the first
time in his life. Aware that he’s going to be fucked. That *Lex* is
going to fuck him. Take him.
Turns and lowers his head again. Tries to catch his breath.
Lex’s hands on his ass, spreading him. Lining up against him. First
blunt nudge shocking something like a growl at him, making him
blush and dig his fingers into the sheets. Gonna rip them if he
Decides Lex can just buy more when that first real *push* comes.
Stretching and burning, pain like tangible amazement and Clark
*needs* this. Pushes back harder than he means to and Lex slides
all the way in with a bitten off curse and he’s in, he’s in, so hard
and so hot and *spitting* Clark.
Obscene and beautiful.
Waves of feeling crashing over him, hot and powerful, shaking him
and *then* Lex starts to move. Hands ghosting over his back,
tugging at his hair, settling hard on his hips and Lex is *fucking*
Deep inside, seemingly deeper with every thrust. Lex moaning his
name every time Clark bucks back against him, begging to go faster
and shifting just enough to hit that spot almost every time and Clark
doesn’t remember how to speak.
Doesn’t remember how to think, barely remembers how to gasp but
he thinks Lex understands.
Please, yes, it’s okay.
“*Anything*...” Croaks it out in a voice that feels absolutely broken.
He’s nothing but this, this shocking connection between them and
the way Lex can’t stop saying his name.
The way he pulls out much too far and then drives back in hard
enough to make Clark wail.
Pain of it wound up in all the *good*. The heat and friction and the
knowledge that this will *change* him. A scar he can wear inside,
a badge of something proven and more real, more believable than
anything he’s ever known.
Doesn’t ever want to be anywhere he can’t have this, can’t have Lex
gripping his hips and slamming into him and calling his name while
Clark just yells.
Lex’s hand on his cock enough to make his teeth click shut, the
realization that he can feel even better quickly blown away when he
actually starts to stroke. Jerking him with a sort of rough expertise
and Clark lasts about thirty seconds before coming all over the bed,
thighs shaking and arms collapsing under his weight and Lex --
“Oh fuck Clark so *tight* --”
-- digging his fingers into Clark’s hips and driving in even harder for
a few more strokes before shuddering to a stop.
Both of them panting, Lex’s sweat pattering on his back. Still
connected and Clark doesn’t remember ever feeling this.
Like by some impossible chance he could be bruised right now.
Clark’s tempted to ask.
More tempted to just stay here, like this. Ass in the air and all.
Belonging like a *taste* in the air.
Lex settling in, covering him. Chest to his back and easing them
over on their sides. Lex’s leg over his own and Clark doesn’t try
to resist the need to just. Stroke him. Long, leanly muscled thigh.
Silkiest thing he’s ever felt under the juddering slick of sweat.
Lex’s arm around his chest, hand resting over his heart. Wrapped in
Lex now and Clark wonders how aware the man is of what he’s
doing, of how Clark will take this.
How much he needs it.
Soft mouth against the back of his neck, wet and sliding slow. Less
a tease than a caress.
Open-mouthed kiss against the knob of his spine, equally lazy.
Clark takes a long breath. Bends his head forward to give Lex
And finally, after a while, dozes.
Bare and light.