by Te
January 2001

Disclaimers: If they were mine, I'd probably be a little distracted.

Spoilers: Vague fourth season Buffy things.

Summary: Oz and Xander in the desert.

Ratings Note: NC-17.

Author's Note: Debba asked. Debba gets.

Acknowledgments: For my beloved Webrain, Sheila, and Dawn Sharon,
for audience and support.

Feedback: How many ways can I say please?


There could be justice in this, if it wasn't for Anya... and that's
one of those thoughts that used to be so easy to just not *have*.
Or maybe Oz wasn't missing them so much as that they lurked so far
below everything he thought of as himself that they never had to be

But they're here now, and unquestionably part of him. He is Oz, and he
is different now. Possessiveness goes beyond reflex to instinct,
something that kicks in well before his forebrain becomes aware of
the backbrain attraction.

A hitch-hiker in Baja country, the clean, clean waitress at six in
the morning, unscented by anything but herself, utterly free of
makeup. Young and sweet and very tall. Amused and excited by his size.

He'd taken her in the very pink ladies room, to the sounds of trucks
rolling down the highway outside. She was nothing like Willow, yet
she'd had the same wonder, somehow.

Xander, now, much too far south and redolent. Clean sweat, dust and wood
and metal and the plastic of his goggles. Oz had been moving to him,
pacing him, *planning* around him well before he'd realized more than
a pleased sort of shock. A shocking pleasure.

Sliding into step beside Xander as he walked out past the equipment
and the other men. Into the desert, old-fashioned lunch pail in one
hand, hard hat in the other. Tools tucked both neatly and casually into
the large belt, dusty gloves strangely alive, even empty and mashed at
Xander's hip.

Oz had wondered if he'd spent too much time in the sun, if he
should've shaved this morning. Xander had walked on in silence for
another few minutes before


"Xander." Too quick, falling on the last edge of his own name. The
*pull* had been there, all over, and Oz had been restless and Xander --

"I miss you."

"I'm right here."

"You didn't have to leave."

"I did."

More silence, and they were at a tallish stand of rocks Xander had
clearly visited before. Scuffmarks, half-buried apple core that will
eventually try and fail to sprout here. Xander had gestured him to sit,
and Oz had complied. His thoughts had roiled and spiraled around one

Why now?

Before settling on a 'because' that should have been growled.

Xander had looked at him expectantly, holding out a water bottle that
might have been frozen earlier in the day. Held his gaze steady when
Oz took the bottle and replaced it with his finger, stroking patterns
in the condensation on Xander's palm. Xander's eyes had been very
dark. Wide and serious and crushingly *there*.


That's why.

Oz had moved to kiss him, tipping his head back. Baring throat in that
way that always made it better, somehow. More real. Xander's hand
right there, stopping him for a caress, refusing the kiss.

"I'm off in about an hour."

Oz had nodded, dry-throated, and drank some of the water. Ate half
of Xander's sandwich. Meat processed to the point of sensory
invisibility. The mustard made his nostrils flare, though. Watched
Xander bury another apple core and pondered the cruelty of it. The
seeds had no choice but to try and grow, reproduce themselves, but
they were doomed from the very beginning.

And yet there'd be no chance at all for them within a shifting mass
of garbage...




Xander nodded slowly, peered at him sideways. Glimpse of the old
Xander in all the new. More reassuring than he had any right to.

Oz had swallowed, shook off a bit of the pride and fear at his own
thoughts, and offered them. Xander couldn't decide, either, but he
leaned toward giving the apple seeds their chance, however small.

It was and wasn't what he'd expected.

Oz brought his van closer to the site, stripped to his shorts and
slipped into the oven of the back. Rolled joints expertly and somewhat
obsessively in the dark, smoked nothing. Was already dressed and
waiting at the wheel when Xander finally got to the company truck
with everyone else going off-shift. Xander looked back at the van
frequently as Oz followed, eyes unreadable in the heat haze.

Back at the motel it had begun quickly and simply, Xander pulling Oz into
the shower with him. Xander washing them both down as Oz took care of
the grave responsibility of kissing. Touching.

Xander's skin is as soft as a woman's for no reason Oz can figure,
unless Anya regularly rubs him down with some expensive cream.

Anya. Touching and kissing and... loving? All this skin, the muscle firm
beneath. Justice to have Xander like this, yes, but only if Oz pretends
Anya doesn't exist. Licking Xander's dark rose nipples, one at a time and
steady as Xander soaps his back. He wishes he knew Anya better, that he
had some other lover to present to her for her own justice.

He thinks she would understand that, if not this.

Xander turning away, bracing against the wall. The muscles are clearer
in his back, more *assuming* somehow. It's impossible not to worship
them a little, dig in where the tension lies. Oz wants to mark it in some
way, a tattoo like his own, perhaps, only more earthy.

Xander is vital, alive, and very much a part of the world that Oz has
been only vaguely attached to for his entire life. Except for the wolf,
of course. When he is the wolf he can curl his claws into all but the
hardest stone and be a part of it. The urge to give Xander the wolf is
wrenching, quickly subdued.

Dull, square human teeth clutching at small bites of skin, moving down
and down and Oz is on his knees. Xander's ass in his hands, clenching
slightly at the touch of water and Oz's own fingers, which may or may
not be slightly longer, thicker than before.

Spreads him wide. Watches the water wash over the small hole, feels
Xander tremble with it a little and has to move in and, god, taste. His
now. Perhaps both of theirs, Xander firmly in the position and Oz...
worshiping. To do this, create this flex and gasp of tension. Earthly
gods are the only ones for him, now, and he draws out prayers with his
tongue, slips them inside to share.

Xander taking this, loving it, bouncing his name off the shower tile,
demanding more and Oz can give. Holding on tighter, thrusting faster.
Xander's knees trembling, thighs alternately taut and watery and the
water is getting cold, fast, and it tightens everything up.

Memory of heat outside enough to welcome this, press harder, fight and
ride the chill. Memorize the new textures of Xander's skin, his deeper
groans. Deeply controlled thrusts and Oz reaches around and gets his
first grip of Xander's cock. Hard and hot even under the cold water, but
Oz doesn't want to push his luck.

Breaks away. Stands up and rinses his mouth in the unforgiving spray.
Turns it off and Xander's still there in the same position. Head bent
and panting.

"Can we do this on the bed?"

"Wha...? Yeah... yeah, just give me a minute."

Breathing, Xander finally turning to look at Oz, his foot slipping a little.
Xander is flushed and absolutely intent, seeming to take in every inch of
Oz's body and mark it for... anything. Everything. There's no abstract
here -- Oz *wants* this. Needs it, too.

"Your knees must be sore."

"I heal pretty fast."

Xander nods, steps out of the tub and grabs the small, thin towels.
Even the better motels seem to size them for Oz-shaped people. Good
enough for now because Xander is drying him, gentle here and rough
there and Oz is clutching his shoulders before too long. Xander on his
knees, carefully drying around *Oz's* knees and then just... engulfing
Oz's cock for one quick suck, swallow --

"Ah god --"

Heat and wet and *good* and gone just as fast, Xander leading them
both back into the room. Onto the double bed and its mildly terrifying
spread, all off-colored vines and bulbous flowers.

Xander's reddening, purpling cock. Growing harder, longer out of the
cold. Xander Stroking himself, watching Oz with those black coal eyes.
Parted lips. Oz returns the favor, shocking internal *zing* as some sort of
circuit connects. As if this was something they should have been doing
well before now, just jerking off together and *wanting*.

Until Xander slows, pauses. Gaze cooling and changing. "Oz?"


"We... this isn't..."

"I need you."

And it's all back in Xander's face in a heartbeat, including a touch of
something like anguish that makes Oz hurt inside and need even more.
Reaching out, but Xander only grabs his hands, presses them to the
mattress with one hand. Braced over Oz and staring, flexing his hand
off and on. The grip on his wrists is somewhat painful and impossibly

Shifting and cock-to-cock now. Thrusting and Xander presses his
wrists down hard for a moment before letting go. Oz gets the message
and stays as still as he can, though his hips consider themselves
exempt. And Xander is... it's the most serious play Oz has ever seen,
lifting his arms, turning them on their joints. Tracing his collarbone
and rubbing at his ribs.

Sucking hard on Oz's fingers, fucking Oz's mouth with his own for
another perfect circuitry moment, something so tangibly electric that
it could be designed in any media and left to charge and charge until...
what? Burnout, maybe. Xander's fingers aren't salty enough, but
they're mobile. Deep and insistent, brushing at the back of Oz's throat,
rubbing his lips raw.

His own fingers chewed and licked and devoured even after Xander
pulls his free, running cool and wet over Oz's nipples, the pulse in his
throat. Down the center line of Oz's chest to dig and pull at his belly
button. Strange there, indefinable and somehow casually taboo. Somewhere
between a tickle and a yank and the possibility of being unmade by only
spit and touch. Sucks harder on Xander's fingers, begs with his tongue.

Shift and Xander holds them both in his fist. Watching Oz's eyes as he
releases his fingers, pumps with one hand. Scratches at Oz's nipples
with the other.

"What do you want?" Xander's voice deep and low. Too thick to rasp and
oh God squeezing their cocks together and pinching Oz's nipple and Oz
*can't* think in more than fuzzy revelations of pleasure.

"Fuck me --"

Pumping slide cock-to-cock and Xander's small hiss. "I don't have

"I do."

Makes Xander close his eyes and make a sound Oz can't read and then
Xander is on him, body to body and rolling, thrusting, *taking* Oz's
mouth. Wet and firm. Everything a reminder of Xander's greater size,
muscle and weight and whatever confusion Oz is doing nothing to fix
because this is absolutely and perfectly right for him, right now, greed
making it even better. Guilt making him harder.

On top and Xander's pulling his arms behind his back, lunging up to suck
and bite his nipples, nuzzle and kiss and bite down hard on his throat.
Suckle there, hot bruising pain and the slick pleasure of Xander's busy
tongue and finally release.

Cold where he isn't being touched, Xander looking at him with so much
need. Fear and musk in the air and Oz isn't sure who it belongs to.
Wants to roll in Xander, all over him. Coat his body with the other man's
sweat and come and (blood) and everything --

"Get the stuff, Oz."

"Yeah, OK." And he's moving away when Xander suddenly grabs him. Holds
him still and sprawled.

"Open your mouth."

Flushes hard at the sound of his own moan and complies. Xander nipping at
his mouth, tongue. Prying it wider with his thumbs before just flipping Oz.
Holding Oz down again but focused more on positioning himself. Xander
straddling Oz's chest, stroking his cock.

Painting Oz's face with slick, slick pre-come before nudging in, all thick
hard head and salt.

"Suck me."

But he didn't have to ask and this... this is so much better than everything
else. Using his tongue to search for the circumcision scar and probing,
slicking at it, opening a little wider for more, for Xander's *cock* in his
mouth and stroking.

In and in and slow. Not trying to come so much as *fucking* him and Oz
wants to yell and he wants Xander to be rough and he wants to comfort.
This is OK, it's all just fine and right and maybe also I could be yours.

"Get it wet."

And *there's* the husk, almost breathless with shuddery control and Oz
is... drooling on command (like a dog) and groaning around his mouthful,
clutching Xander's ass and trying to pull him in deeper harder more --

"*Oz* Christ --! No fuck don't I'm gonna come in your mouth --"

Desperation and hope and only the promise of what will happen if Oz
doesn't get him off like this is enough to make him let go.

Xander still straddling him, breathing in and out slowly, Oz watching him
put himself back together again and somehow it's the only thing that isn't
what he wants. So tempted to arch up and take Xander's cock again, take
it deep and let the spit and pre-come roll down his chin. On his back, on
his knees, sprawled over Xander, anything at all until Xander finally

"Get on. Get on your hands and knees."


In the position and wishing very, very briefly that he was a woman, that
he was built more conveniently for this because the wet sounds behind
him are maddening. The image in his head, Xander sucking and slicking his
fingers, cheeks hollowing, eyes glazed a little with the hopeless sensuality
and Oz's cock is as hard as it's ever been, drooling pre-come on the bed,
reaching for his belly.

One finger in, hard and hurried and just what Oz needs, breathing deeper.
Getting hazy, getting just a little soft where it counts. Xander spitting,
thrusting and twisting. Bed dipping and shifting with his weight and
Xander's tongue oh God, oh Christ he hadn't expected.

Maybe was too tight.

Maybe Xander just wanted --

And Xander is not silent when he does it, grunting and growling, moving back
to thrust in again with two finger and fuck Oz with them so *hard* and
Oz is calling Xander's name and bucking when Xander stops and goes back
with his tongue.

Struggling not to yell now, biting it back until his lip is bloody. Iron in
his mouth and the nerve sizzling pull of the wolf inside, mocking the laws
of physics and screaming for Oz to give it up and just *take* Xander.
Have the prey, make him pack, yours yours yours and he's too far gone to
feel the difference until Xander is halfway in.

Crouched over Oz, and holding him around the middle now. Pumping Oz's
cock and rocking his way in, mumbling nonsense, fuckdrunk and dirty
before slamming that last couple of inches home. Bitten off groan and
more spit, wet around his hole and impossible to ignore. Framing where
Oz is skewered and full.

Impaled on Xander and writhing, struggling to find the position that will
drive him crazy, finally resting on his elbows, ass in the air and Xander's

Fucking him fast and steady, not too hard at first but building. Scrabbling
at Oz's cock as if unsure how to stroke him. Brushing and probing with
non-existent nails, somewhere between a tease and tactile memorization,
but it goes back to a simple pump as Xander gets rougher.

Harder and they're rocking the bed, knocking at the walls and Oz moans
out loud, chuffing vowel sounds with each thrust, drenched in sweat and
utterly braced by Xander. Cock and ass and the cage of his limbs, rocking
hips and need for more.

Maybe yelling it by now, doesn't matter, nothing matters but this, right
here, this cock so deep inside him, marking him from the inside out.
Helpless not to move with the fuck and desperate for it not to end. Unable
to face the possibility of a future without Xander's rock hard cock and
his own submission.


Absolutely everything and Oz comes yelling when Xander sweeps him up to
his knees and his cock slips that much deeper inside and Xander keeps
fucking him, kisses on his throat and jaw and cheek, stubble rough against
his ear. Still holding Oz's cock and biting now, sucking and fucking and
*raw* and growling out his orgasm against Oz's throat.

Fucking it out.

Stilling slowly, close and messy and sweltered with each other. Xander
has his arms wrapped tight around Oz. Oz is trying to pull them tighter,
needs to feel him breathe. Needs to have then fall into synch, if only
for a few seconds.

Needs to know that it feels just like this to Xander, too, and utterly
incapable of asking.

When they move, it's only to rip the bedspread off and collapse, messy
and exhausted. Oz's thighs are wet with the trickle of come, and he
rolls onto his back. Spreads his legs and rubs it all into his skin while
Xander watches. Hungrily.

The sun won't be down for a while.