Other Paths IV: Home
by Te
9/98

Disclaimers: No, they don't belong to me.... And maybe 
*they're* happy about that.

Spoilers: Not a single one. 

Summary: A little honesty. 

Ratings Note: PG-13? Dear Lord, is that even possible?

Author's Note: I dreamed about this. Again. The series to 
date:

"Nameless"
"Distance and Possession"
"Lucky Men"
"Liberty"
"All of the Animals"
"Home"

Acknowledgments: To Dawn Sharon, Woodinat, and Kass for 
providing the distraction I needed to be able to write this 
story. To Spike and Nancy for endless patience in their 
beta efforts. To Alicia for many helpful comments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other Paths IV: Home
by Te
Daddy793@aol.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex Krycek was spending too much time in the 'net cafe, 
and,  as always, the stillness was making that spot just 
between his  shoulder blades itch. He had the distinct 
sense that he was  being watched, but, as that was a 
familiar sensation, he didn't  let it worry him overmuch. 
There were other concerns. Like just how to respond to 
Walter's latest e-mail:

"I miss your:
a) cock
b) smile
c) face
d) ass
e) sunny disposition.

"Come home. Now."

The man had poetry in his soul. Somewhere.

"Walter,

Was that a love letter or a multiple choice test? I'll be 
home as soon as I can. Promise."

The concept of home made him feel oddly languid -- a 
terrifyingly unfamiliar sensation that said "Move. Now." 
more effectively  than most average gunmen. But his lips 
were twitching in anticipation, and the combination was 
exhilarating. Another  chime.

"Smart-ass. I was supposed to have a meeting ten minutes 
ago, which was canceled. Eight minutes ago. I wanted to 
make sure you were clear on the salient points. Just so you 
don't forget:  Come home. I'll be there after 7 p.m."

Alex smiled at the image of exasperation his mind pulled up 
for Walter. There were few things better than raising the 
man's  blood pressure; the knowledge that the transgression 
was both allowed and encouraged. And Walter had never 
failed to make  the inevitable revenge entertaining.

"I'll be there. Signing off."

He resisted the urge to see if Walter would send something 
else. It wasn't really the older man's style, and the itch 
between his  shoulder blades was starting to grow 
maddening. Time to go.

Out the door and, by chance, a glint of sunlight off the 
cafe's  plate glass window made him turn. A reflection of 
trench-coated length and terribly familiar chestnut hair. 
Alex narrowed his  eyes and walked on. Slower than he 
wanted, but this had to be taken care of. He'd only scoped 
out the area for three square  blocks and he needed Mulder 
to catch up quickly. 

Two blocks. He traced Mulder's progress by the windshields 
of parked cars.  A random breeze and Alex thought he could 
smell him. He paced himself off and made a quick turn into 
an alley.  Alex figured he'd moved quickly enough to make 
Mulder hesitate a bit, and he used that time to get ready. 
As expected, Mulder  came in low and quiet, and got a 
short, sharp blow to the back of the head for his trouble. 
Just enough to stun.

Alex hauled him up and slammed him against the wall. 
Pressed an arm against the elegant throat. He knew Mulder 
wouldn't  pay any attention to a gun, at this point.

"Why are you following me?"

Long pause and Alex was forcibly reacquainted with the feel 
of lean muscles jittering and straining against his own. 
The scent.  But the eyes were... different. 

"What *is* it? What do you want, Mulder?"

A sudden, sunny, reckless smile and Alex had no idea why 
he'd believed there'd ever be any return to normalcy for 
the two of  them. 

"You, Alex."

There was no normalcy. Alex backed off quickly. He felt 
burned.

"Mulder... I thought we decided--"

"You made me do some thinking." Mulder licked his lips 
nervously but his eyes were almost happy. He remained 
against the wall, but Alex could sense the tension of 
restrained movement just beneath the flesh. "You were 
right, Alex..."

Perfectly still but Alex couldn't keep his hand from 
creeping  toward his gun. "Mulder--"

"I *do* chase everyone away. I'm just repeating the same 
stupid patterns -- Look, the jargon is meaningless--" He 
cut himself off and *then* he was in motion, one hand 
moving up and over Alex's cheek -- he flinched, but 
couldn't make himself back away from the touch -- into his 
hair. "I want you. I... I need you--"

"Mulder, please, you don't even *know* me--"

Mulder snaked his other arm around Alex's waist and pulled 
him too close. Too close. The hand in his hair was in 
constant motion and there was a long, long moment to 
realize they were both  breathing much too hard, to 
comprehend the shameless heat  below. "But you were trying 
so hard and giving me yourself, I see that now, and I'm 
sorry. You thought I wasn't paying attention,  but I 
was..." The words were practically breathed into his mouth.

"Please, don't do this--"

And then Mulder kissed him, tongue slipping in with nothing 
but want and please and Alex thought he might be able to 
get away  with pulling on that tongue, just a little, but 
Mulder moaned....  The sound was so harsh, so purely, rawly 
needful that Alex  shuddered. And there was no chance to 
get away with this at all, anymore. The realization was a 
bare few heartbeats of freedom in which he could pull 
Mulder closer, run his hand down the  spine in light 
caresses that made the other man writhe--

//Come home.

//Shit.//

Alex pulled away with a raw sound of distress, heart in his 
throat and throbbing. Mulder started after him but stopped, 
mercifully,  when he shook his head. It was too hard to 
speak. Mulder bit his lip, hugged himself loosely.

"I was paying attention, I was taking your... I was taking  
everything you gave me and holding it, I swear. I just 
couldn't..." Mulder caught his eyes then and everything 
about the man's pose said things he wished he'd heard a few 
months ago. Weeks, even. "I was afraid, and I wanted you to 
hurt me so I could hurt you  back. I'm empty now, Alex, and 
it's even worse than before because I know what it's like 
now. To have something to hold. I need you."

Alex couldn't stop himself from moving closer, but Mulder 
kept  still this time, letting him make his own pace. "How 
long will it  take you to hate me again, Mulder?"

"What... What do you mean?"

"For being here. Hearing that." Alex reached out, but 
Mulder's  face twisted angrily and he pulled back. "See?"

Another twist and Mulder appeared to be visibly shaking it 
off. "I know, Alex, I know... It's hard to turn the lens on 
yourself..."  Small smile and Mulder stepped forward again. 
Just a few feet of want away. "Please. I want to try."

Iron in his mouth and Alex had a moment of muted shock that  
he'd bitten through his lip. "You don't understand... I've 
got something... I've got something good now."

//Fuck, fuck, fuck...//

"And we were bad for each other."

"Mulder--"

The voice was resigned, darkly humorous. "No, it's all 
right.  You're right. We were bad for each other. I was bad 
for us."

"It's not--"

"It *is*, Alex--"

"Dammit, let me talk for just a minute, all right?"

Mulder's teeth clicked shut and he rocked a bit on his 
heels  before nodding. It was one of the more hideously 
painful things he'd ever had to watch.

"Walter..." A flinch. "Walter is good to me. He loves me 
and I... I love him."

"Alex--"

"Please, Mulder." His own voice was far too low. "I've 
fucked so many things up..." He couldn't help reaching out 
again,  running his hand over the pale cheek, trying not to 
notice the  circles under Mulder's eyes. "I've got a chance 
for something here, Mulder. Please. I don't want to fuck 
anything else up."

Mulder caught his hand and held it against his face. 
"Neither do  I, Alex. There's so much ugly and wrong 
between us -- It can't  already be too late."

Not really a question but far too close for comfort. "I... 
I can't,  Mulder. I have to go. Let me go... please."

One last squeeze and Mulder released his hand and it hurt 
to pull it away, and it hurt to turn away, and it hurt to 
walk away. 

But it was time to go home.

~~~~
End.
~~~~