by Te
December 2001

Disclaimers: So very much not mine.

Spoilers: Vague ones up through Jitters. And pretty much all the cool (and not so cool) parts of The Lost Boys.

Summary: Clark takes Lex to the movies.

Ratings Note: NC-17

Author's Note: So, Deb pointed out that The Lost Boys was playing at the movies during X-Ray. I had to. Much of this fic will be meaningless to those of you who haven't actually seen that movie.

Acknowledgments: Merry Christmas, Miz E! See? Wholesome. Sort of. Er... yes. Many thanks to my We for noodging and helping, and also to Liv, who pointed out some issues. And! Also! To the divine Miz Merry, who betaed me to pieces until I cried like a little girl.

All remaining mistakes are entirely my own fault, yo. Feel free to call me on them:


"Oh, c'mon, Chloe, it'll be fun!" Clark worked the wide-eyed pleading thing mercilessly.

"Don't even try it, Kent. I don't like vampire movies. They're all pure cheese, and it'll take more than the doe-eyed look to get me to go."

Doe-eyed? "Please?"


"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"Hear that sound, Clark? That's the crash and burn of your dignity. Walk away now before it gets worse."

Pete picked that moment to join them at Chloe's locker. "Ouch. Can't a brother get some love?"

Clark was about to agree, but Chloe was ruthless.

"No. No, he really can't. And Pete? Smallville. Kansas. Letter jacket. The gangsta routine from you is just... sad."

Couldn't stop himself from snorting. "You know, Pete, she kinda has a point."

"Fine. I'll remember this in Black History Month. I'm seeing a scathing letter to the editor here..." And Pete paused to stare into space, sketching banner headlines with his hands. "Yeah. 'Student's Attempts To Get In Touch With His Heritage Mocked. Cruelly Mocked.' You're going down, people."

Chloe was unfazed. "Who edits the paper, Pete?"

"Oh. Oh, man, that's low."

Clark leaned in close to Pete. "The power's gone to her head. We're living in a fascist state. Pass it on."

Chloe finished packing her bookbag and slammed the locker shut. "Torch uber alles, people. And don't you forget it." And then she was off, presumably to return to her kingdom of typeset and... other newspaper stuff that Clark wasn't at all sure of.

Which left Pete.

Clark turned the... doe-eyed look on him shamelessly. "Lost Boys?"

"Dude, my sister made me watch it with her like, nineteen times when it came out on video. Trauma for life, Clark."

"C'mon, it can't be that bad..."

"Corey. Haim."





"Peeeeete --"

"Don't go there, Clark."

"P --" And the hand was over his mouth pretty fast for a guy without superspeed.

"Annoying me will only make your eventual comeuppance all the worse, my gigantic friend."

Clark raised an eyebrow. Considered licking Pete's hand. Considered not ever considering anything remotely like that ever again.

Finally just plucked the hand away.

"Fine. Baby."

"Clark, are you honestly calling me on my maturity issues?"

"It's just... I've never seen it. Isn't it supposed to be, like, the vampire movie of the 80s?"

"Ask yourself, Clark: Did anything good come out of the 80s?"

"We did."

"Well... all right, fine, but I'm still not going. Jeez. Can't you just go with your parents or something?"

Clark rolled his eyes. "Pete. Think about what you're saying."

To his credit, Pete managed to look ashamed. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. Look, I've got a study date with Rhianna today, though. If you want, I'll go with you tomorrow --"

"See? That wasn't so hard."

"You didn't let me finish."

Hell. "It's extortion time, isn't it?"

Pete clapped him on the back. "That it is, big guy."

"Fine. Okay. What do you want?"

"Foolish child. You've left yourself open to the depredations of a superior intellect. Again, I might add. Hmm... what will it be? Money? Public humiliation? Money and public humiliation?"

Clark thwapped him as gently as he could. "You've got issues. You're aware of this, right?"

"My issues make me richer, Clark. You could do worse than having my issues."

Clark banged his head against the next locker over. "Fine, fine, whatever, just forget it. I'll ask someone else."

Pete gasped and clutched his history book to his chest. "What are you saying, Clark? Have you... made other friends?"

Snorted. "Oh, screw you."

"I don't know if I can take this... this rejection..." Threw an arm across his eyes and half-collapsed against the lockers.

"Does the phrase 'drama queen' mean anything to you?"

Pete raised an eyebrow. "It means something to you? You know, Clark, I've been thinking. You're getting to be a man now, and it's probably time that we had that talk..."

At which point Clark very carefully did not rip the book out of Pete's hand and beat him repeatedly about the head and shoulders with it. He was, after all, the bigger man.

He could settle for another eye roll. "Okay, okay, you've had your fun --"

"I've barely even begun to have --"

Poked him in the chest. "You. Have. Had. Your. Fun. And now I'm going to go find someone who -- snif -- understands the true meaning of friendship."

"Meaningless sex?"

Choked on his own laugh. "Man, I so don't wanna know what you and Chloe get up to in the Torch office after school. Good bye, Peter."

Pete blew him a kiss.

Clark did not stumble on his way down the hall.

He took the snickers like a man.


And really, it was a profoundly stupid idea.

Not the stupidest idea he'd ever had -- and Clark winces at the memory of his mother's face after the shredder incident, after the worry faded -- but probably close.

Inviting Lex Luthor to the Smallville Theater to see a bad 80s vampire movie... definitely up there.

But, you know, Clark hated going to movies by himself. He got... bored. Well, all right, fidgety, but that made him sound like a four year old.

It just wasn't the same if you didn't have someone whose shirt collar could be carefully pulled back for the dispensation of extra ice cubes.

Not that he could quite see himself dumping ice down Lex's unbelievably expensive shirts, but... still.

They were friends, right? Friends went to movies together. Therefore, there was nothing wrong with the fact that he was standing outside Lex's office figuring out how to ask.

Well, except for the whole standing there like a huge geek thing.

Clark sighed at himself and knocked.

Nearly jumped back when the door was opened almost immediately by someone he definitely did not recognize. Expensive suit, expensive-smelling cologne, and a look on the man's face somewhere between pissed off and puzzled.

"Um. Hello. I'm. Ah. Interrupting. So I'll just be --" "Clark?"

Expensive Guy opened the door a little wider and there was Lex, sitting on his desk and looking generally... pleased. "Oh. Hey, Lex. I didn't know you were busy --"

"Nah, you've got perfect timing." Weirdly dreamy smile on his face and Expensive Guy looks about ready to hit something. "Dominic here was just leaving. Weren't you, Dominic." It wasn't a question.

Thinks he could maybe hear the guy's teeth gritting together.

"Yes, of course, Mr. Luthor. I'll... be in touch about the matter we discussed."

"Of course you will. Do send my regards to Dad when you get back to Metropolis."

"I will. And... I'll see myself out."

Another dreamy smile. "You do that."

Clark stepped aside just in time to avoid being run over. Waited until Dominic was down the hall and around the corner before saying anything. "He seems... nice?"

Lex snorted and hopped down off the desk. Smoothed a hand over his scalp. "Oh, he's very nice. To my father." Gestured at the couch. "Have a seat, Clark. I meant what I said about perfect timing. Dominic... grates. At times."

Clark nodded and tried to pretend he felt like he belonged here. Lex had his business face on. Or... it might be his business face. It wasn't like Clark had ever seen it before.

It definitely wasn't his what-can-I-do-for-you-today face.

More of a what-can-you-do-for-me, if he was being honest.

Sat down and smiled up at Lex in what he hoped was a charming way. Lex gave the impression of pacing without moving a muscle.

Lex raised an eyebrow at him and smirked.

He probably hadn't quite managed charming.

"Can I get you something?"
"Hmm...? Oh, no, I'm fine. I was just... um. Stopping by."

Lex got himself a bottle of water and smiled at him from over his shoulder. "In the neighborhood, were you?"

"Something like that." And, okay, he could stop being inane any second now... "I was. Ah. I was wondering if you'd like to. See a movie?" Clark Kent, smooth as sandpaper.

Stopped Lex where he was standing. "You're asking me to a movie?"

Clark wondered, briefly, why things always got easier when Lex was flustered, even if he rarely had any idea why he was flustered. Well... much of an idea. "Yep. A really bad movie."

Lex snorted and took up his spot on the desk again, very obviously waiting for an explanation. Clark decided to wait until he asked.

Prompted, "In fact, I'm told the movie is bad enough to be considered cheesy."

"So you want me to take you to a bad, cheesy movie. I just want to get this straight."

Clark grinned. "Nope, I wanna take you to a bad, cheesy movie."

Lex smiled back, a little. "Did I do anything wrong?"

"Consider it belated Smallville hazing."


"Well, no, actually I just couldn't convince Pete or Chloe to go with me without extortion."

"Aha. And, for some reason, you hold the opinion that I *won't* use extortion?"

Which was... well, definitely an interesting thought. Clark shook it off. "Well, I was thinking it probably wouldn't involve pantsing me in front of the girls' locker room, or, you know, anything else involving my underwear and public places."

And Lex... blinked.

Did Clark just say that?

"That wasn't the first thing that came to mind, no..."

Apparently he did. Clark slapped the grin back on his face. "What was?"

But Lex just curled his mouth into one of those predatory smiles he was really way too good at. "Wouldn't you like to know..."

"That's kind of the point of extortion, isn't it?"

And Lex jumped down from the desk again, walked over to crouch in front of Clark. "Hardly. The point of extortion is to see how much you can get for as little as possible."

Clark refused to lean back. "Luthor life lessons?"

"Cheaper than private school, Clark. So how 'bout it? Willing to trust me?"

Clark blinked. "Wait, I take you to the movie --"

"The bad, cheesy movie."

"It's not that bad!"

"You've already seen it?"

"Well, no..."

"So. The bad, cheesy movie."

"Okay, okay. I take you to the movie, after which you get to exact some unknown price?"

Lex made a show of thinking about it. "Mm. Yeah, that's about right." Grins at Clark. "Up for it?"

"You know, if you want people to believe you're not an evil mastermind, you might want to work on those smiles."

"I have a perfectly charming smile!"

Clark laughed. "For a shark, maybe..."

"Why, Clark... I could almost believe you don't trust me." And there was a smile in his voice, but there was something... else there, too.

Made something seize in Clark's belly, but... "Okay, first you dare me, now you guilt me? How can I be sure that my boxers won't wind up on a flagpole?"

Skewed grin. "You know, if I hadn't actually witnessed this Scarecrow tradition of yours twice now, I'd have to wonder why you seem so sure that I have designs on your boxers, Clark. As it is, there's clearly a seamy underbelly to Smallville culture that I just haven't been invited to join."

Clark leaned in to whisper in Lex's ear. "The Garden Club is darker than anyone thinks." Up close, he can tell that Lex is wearing his own variety of expensive cologne, or maybe just aftershave. Nice enough that he'd maybe ask the name of it if he thought he'd be able to afford it before he hit his forties. And Clark realized that he hadn't moved, and that Lex's ear looked kind of... red.

Pulled back quickly and feels himself smile that particular way that he knows... pushes things a little.

"Just watch out for little old ladies with flowers."

"More than I watch out for the somewhat younger ladies with flower shops?"

Clark put a conspiratorial hand on Lex's shoulder. "Oh, Nell's just their front. They keep their real power hidden."

Got another one of those skewed looks, like Lex had looked at his hand, looked back at him, and raised an eyebrow, all without turning his head.

Clark blushed and grinned for lack of something remotely intelligent to say. Squeezed a little. "Movie?"


Sighed. "What is it about me that makes people want to exploit me?"

Lex choked a little. "Oh, I don't know..."

"Fine, fine. I trust you. But if I wind up naked in public, I'm never taking you to another crappy movie again."

Lex snorted and put out his hand. "Deal."

They shook on it.

And made it to the theater half an hour early, mainly due to the fact that Lex sped up a little more every time Clark refused to tell him just what movie they were going to see.

"Hey, you agreed to see the movie. I don't have to tell you what it is."

Lex smirked. "And I don't have to slow down."

"You will when we hit something!"

"Nah, I'll actually be traveling faster once I fly out the windshield. Haven't you taken physics yet?"


"Tell me."


Lex shrugged and Clark couldn't look at the speedometer any more.

"Hey, you already get to exploit me for this! You didn't say anything about giving me a heart attack before we got there!"

Another smirk. "It's not my fault you didn't set the parameters clearly enough."

Clark laughed helplessly and closed his eyes. Briefly. It was way too easy to picture, say, a tractor abruptly pulling out into the road that way. Opened them again and watched the corn whip past in a yellow-green wash of indistinguishable color.

If the world was fair, he'd get to carry Lex on one of his runs sometime.

"You're working on quite the evil smirk there, Clark. What are you thinking about?"


Lex clapped him on the shoulder with a gloved hand. Grinned hugely. "You learn fast."

They got there in one piece, though, Lex parking between two dusty old pick-ups without a blink.

Stepped out of the car and followed Clark to the theater, stopping abruptly at the sight of the marquee.

"The Lost Boys?"

Clark snickered. "It's the least you deserve."

"You guys have one movie theater playing one movie and it's The Lost Boys?"

"Hey, I haven't seen it yet. I've heard it's a classic of the genre."

Lex laughed. "Oh, it's a classic, all right." Rubbed his hands together in a very effective parody of evil glee. "I think I've just decided how you're going to suffer for this, Clark."

"Are you going to tell me how?"

"Have you ever heard the word 'subtext?'"

"Probably. Why?"

Lex shook his head. "Clark, Clark, Clark. It's not too late to back out."

"And miss the chance to make you watch this movie? No way."

Grinned. "Your funeral. And I want butter on my popcorn. And junior mints. And a coke."

"I think you're enjoying yourself too much, Lex..."

"Consider it preparation for the dating world, my friend." Gestured toward the box office. "Lead on."

And the center seats of the small theater are happily, perfectly empty.

Of course, so's the rest of the theater.

"So... how long has Lost Boys been playing here?"

"Two and a half months."


"Look, there's a Multiplex only forty-five minutes away!"

Lex snickered.

The previews weren't going to start for another ten minutes, at least, and Clark settled in. Glared a little at Lex.

"Are you going to share the popcorn?"

"Hmm. I haven't decided yet."

"You can have some of my Raisinets."

"I hate Raisinets."

"... Goobers?"

"I'm physically and emotionally incapable of eating anything called a 'goober.'"

"It's just another word for peanut, Lex."

"I don't care."

"Are you five?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

And suddenly, the old ice-cube-down-the-back-of-the-shirt trick was looking better and better, idea-wise.

And possibly the goober-in-the-ear thing.

He'd have to see.

Eventually, the previews started. The popcorn was smelling better by, like, the heartbeat. Clark remembered that they still used real butter here. Damn.


Crunch. "I haven't" Crunch. "decided yet." Crunchcrunch.

"You are evil."

"Mm-hmm. Oooh, a red preview!"

"Hey, wow, they never show those here..."

"Pay attention, Clark. There may be breasts."

Clark snickered. "Okay, I change my mind. You're twelve."

"You waited until you were twelve?"

"... for what?"



"You missed it. B cup tops, though."

Clark snorted and slumped in his seat.

Soon enough, Echo and the Bunnymen were kicking things off, though the only reason why Clark knew that was that Lex pointed it out as proof that Clark was too young for... something.

He didn't specify with more than a gleam of teeth in the gloom.

Absolutely no one else had arrived, which made Clark wonder just how much longer the movie would be showing here.

Sent a longing look at the popcorn, and looked up to find Lex just... looking at him. Clark smiled and turned back to the movie, where the first dead body of the film... was not actually dead.

"I'm beginning to see the cheese aspects."

"Oh, this is pure gold, Clark. Just think about it, two teenaged boys ripped out of city life and sent to live with the moderately psychotic grandfather..."

"Dude, that's a lot of bones."


"Are you mocking my speech patterns, Lex?"

"Well, not yet, but one more dude and I won't be able to stop myself."

"Can't you just mock the movie?"

"They make it too easy, Clark. The hair alone."

"How much hairspray was involved in the making of this movie?"

"There's a reason there's a hole in the ozone layer."

Clark snorted and used the distraction to reach for the popcorn.

And got his hand slapped.

"Eat your goobers, farmboy."

"But... the butter..."

"Is delicious. Farm fresh, I bet. Oh, pay attention here. Isn't that cute? They're snuggling. Well, practically nuzzling."

"Who, the brothers?"

Another one of those gleaming grins. "Did you know that this was directed by the same guy who put nipples on the X-Men costumes?"

"I... did not know that."

Clark ate his goobers. Too quickly, like always. Now he'd have to ration the raisinets. He hated rationing.

Decided to drink his Sprite instead.

"Hey, isn't that Kiefer Sutherland?"

"Look upon the mullet and fear, Clark."

"Can I fear the dialogue instead?"

"Yes. And the eyefucks."

"... the what?"

"The glaring. The staring. The ubermacho leering."

"Oh. Hmm. I don't know if that's a leer... no, wait, you're right." Clark snickered. "Is there something I should know about this movie?"

"Too late to back out now, Clark."

Clark made another abortive grab for the popcorn and earned another handslap. Idly considered holding Lex down and taking the popcorn. Or maybe just using his superspeed.

And yeah, that would go over well. 'Lex Luthor knows you're an alien because you wanted his popcorn?'

Laughed to himself and got a shouldernudge from Lex. "Here come the heroes."

"And a very large naked man. With... chains. Lex?"

"Oh, he's not naked. He's got those lovely mauve tights."

"Uh, huh."

"Pay attention -- angst!"

"What... oh, the girl?"

"Yep. Realize now that this is the only female you will see for most of the rest of this movie."

"What about the mom?"

"Moms don't count."


Lex sighed. "It's so sad. Poor Sammy just wants his brother to pay attention to the oiled muscular man with the chains."

Clark choked on a raisinet. Barely managed not to choke on another when, "... slave to his brother's sex drive? I think I'm uncomfortable."

"Already? We haven't even gotten to the nudity!"

"There's nudity?"

"Underaged boy nudity."

"I've moved past uncomfortable to terrified."

Lex threw a warm arm over his shoulders. "Don't worry, Clark. I'm here to protect you."

"I feel oddly un-reassured." Grinned and settled back against Lex's arm.

Shook the empty packet of raisinets forlornly. Sent a pleading look Lex's way.

"What's the magic word?"

"Evil, evil, evil."

Lex lifted the popcorn and held it briefly under Clark's nose. "The magic word?"

"Ohhhhh, please, Lex!"

The arm around his shoulders tightened for a moment and Lex dipped his head. Weird.


Another gleaming smile. "My popcorn is your popcorn."

Clark grinned back at him and munched happily, managing not to blink too much at the roof of the victims' car getting torn off, despite being able to feel Lex giving him one of those searchlight looks. "So I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the hairboys are the vampires?"

"Yep. You could tell by the eye--"



"See, Lex, I don't want that word in my vocabulary, because I'll end up using it at precisely the wrong time and then? Grounded for, like, decades."

Lex just snickered.

"Oh, man, Mom's name is Lucy?"

"It's called an homage, Clark."

"Then shouldn't she be all red-headed and slutty?"

"This is what happens when you watch the movie instead of reading the book."

"Hey, it's the guy from the car commercials... you know, I'm not sure if that's better or worse than being in this movie."

"And wearing that suit, yes."

"We can't all be fashion plates, Lex."

"You think I'm a fashion plate?"

"Well, I was assuming. There's gotta be some explanation for your clothes."

Lex yanked his hair and Clark belatedly remembered to say 'ow.' "Serves you right. I'll have you know that I'm very fashionable."

"And pink."


"You're wearing a pink shirt."

"It's mauve."

"Lex, man, I've gotta tell you -- you're not doing well on the manliness scale."

Another snicker. "You're the one who wanted to see The Lost Boys ."

"I didn't know it would be like this!"

"Uh huh. Sure. A Joel Schumacher film with the word 'boys' in the title and it never occurred to you to question."

"I was thinking Peter Pan!"

"Again with the tights, cross-dressing, extreme lack of female companionship, pirates..."

Clark put his head in his hands. "You're ruining my childhood."

"I do try. Oh, hey, you're gonna want to see this. It's the motorcycle race of maximum testosterone."

"Hey, 80s rock. Were people allowed to use bass guitars in the 80s, Lex?"

"Only by special dispensation."

"Oooh, fight!"

"Don't get your hopes up. Or do. Michael's proved his manliness."

"Or stupidity. Why is he going back to the vampires' cave?"

"I told you, Clark -- testosterone."

"Aren't gay guys supposed to be smarter than this?"

Lex choked on his soda. "I don't even know where to begin with that statement, Clark."

"I was kidding..."

"Suuuuure you were."

"I'm not a complete hick."

"No comment."


Another gleaming smile. "Sit back and enjoy the manly taunting."

Clark made a show of doing just that, and carefully took the cap off his soda.

"Don't even think about it, farmboy."


"The cap goes back on the soda or you'll never eat my popcorn again."

Clark worked on sounding wounded. "Lex, don't you trust me?"

"Precisely as far as I can throw you without construction equipment. Cap. Goes. On."

Clark sighed. "Fine. Spoilsport."

"Yes. And that's what you'll tell your parents about me. In that exact tone of voice."

"Pre-emptive strike?"

Lex ruffled his hair. "Precisely. Oooh, more eyefucks!"


"Fine. Leers. Look at all those pretty vampires, leering at poor, confused Michael."

"Wait a second..."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted the leering."

"They're not pretty."

"Not even the little one?"

"... the little -- okay, well, those ringlets... wait, no!"

"Those big blue eyes..."

"He's an evil vampire!"

"Hence the tragedy."

Clark snorted and put the cap back on his soda with a carefully mournful sigh. Smiled to himself at the skewed look Lex was sending his way and leaned back into the hand against the back of his neck. A little.


Did his best to refocus on the movie.

"So... wait, Michael's one of them now? With no biting?"

"Well, there was the blood in the bottle..."

"But that seems kinda... lame. You know, you have vampires, there should be biting."

"Maybe the one with the ringlets could do it."

"You're not going to let me forget I used the word 'ringlets,' are you?"

"Not for as long as I live, my friend."

Sighed. "Anyway, it should be David do the biting. He did the most eye -- leering."

"Oh, he probably wanted to."

"Does anyone get bitten in this movie?"

"Nobody interesting."

"Well, jeez, where's the gay in that?"

"Smarter men than I have asked that very question. We can only assume that Schumacher has something against biting."

"It could be shame."

"Fake. Rubber. Nipples."

"I take it back."

"Oooh, it's the really disturbing song! Make sure you listen to the lyrics, Clark."

"... 'Unchain me, sister?'"

"Mm-hmm. 'Love is with your brother.'"

"Um. Ew."

"It just gets better and better..."

"Wow, that's an amazingly cheesy use of special effects."

"But he's falling, Clark. See? Falling? Did you get it?"

Clark snorted. "Waaaait... does this mean that Michael is having moral issues?"

"You'll be a film major yet."

"Oh yeah, *that'll* do me a lot of good on the farm."

"Hmmm... I wonder why the knees of Michael's jeans are so dirty..."

"You did not just go there."

"I really, really did. So. Ringlets? David?"

And Clark sincerely didn't need those images, because, well... mainly because the images came far too easily. But! Wait! "Hey, it could've been Star."

Lex patted his shoulder. "Of course it could. Except for the fact that Star was suspiciously absent after the whole blood drinking thing."

"The movie could've been so much gayer with biting."

"You sound disappointed."

And Clark has reached the point where he doesn't even have to look over to know Lex is smiling at him. The extra-gleamy one, he's sure. "Well, you know, if he was going to make a movie this gay, he should've gone all the way."

Lex chuckled. "I don't know, the mixed messages probably let them keep the PG-13 rating."

"I'm guessing this is what that whole no-family-valuesin -Hollywood thing was about."

"Wait 'til you get to the bathtub scene."

"Is this where the underaged boy nudity comes in?"

"Got it in one."

"Oh, man... am I old enough to be watching this movie?"

"Don't worry, I'm your chaperone."

Clark nearly snarfed his soda. "Again. The reassurance thing? So not happening."

"Hey, look at Sammy's decor!"

"Why... hey, that's Rob Lowe!"

"And he's pouting."

"And... leering."

"Pout, you bad boy, pout."

"Is Sammy supposed to be gay?"

"What, you don't have pictures like that on your walls?"

"Well, Curtis Martin looks pretty passionate, but I'm reasonably sure it's about, you know, football."

Lex snickered. "How 'bout you, Clark? Are you passionate about... football?"

"That was a remarkably sleazy pregnant pause, Lex."

"I do my best."

"Besides, Pete's really obsessed with Curtis, too. I wouldn't want to horn in on his turf."

"You're a good man, Clark Kent."

Grinned at him. "I do my best."

"Blah, blah, boring exposition stuff..."

"So when is the nudity coming... oh."

"Yes. 'Oh.'"

"Oh, that's... that's really dirty."


Clark ate some popcorn. "This is a really long scene."

"A very long bathtub scene."

"With a naked little boy."



"Indeed. But we're coming up on one of my favorite parts..."

"Oh, man, is Michael going to eat his brother?"

"I told you no one interesting gets bitten."

"Yeah, but, I'm really not all that interested in Sammy."

"I find that immensely comforting, Clark. You'd break him."

Clark sputtered. "Images! Bad, bad images!"

"Heh. Told you I'd make you suffer."

"No one should be forced to picture themselves having sex with Corey Mouthbreather Haim. Doesn't he ever close his mouth?"

"Hunh. You know, I don't think he does... let's think about that message --"

"Let's not. He's not the one with the dirty knees. He could be the straight one in this movie."

"Who says there has to be a straight one here?"

"Well... okay, fine, there's still Star."

"Yep, Star. Good ol' Star. The grail-shaped beacon for gay vampires everywhere."

"Are multi-billionaires even allowed to make Monty Python refs, Lex?"

"I was a biochemical engineering major. No one gets out of there alive without a certain number of Monty Python refs."

"You learn something new every day. Aww, okay, that's funny. Not the lines, the special effects."

"Michael has become transparent to Sammy --"

"Wait, wait, I've got this one: Michael's fall from grace is now clear to Sammy, who doesn't think he can live with his brother's new lifestyle choices."

"Mm." Small, wet pop that's very clearly Lex no longer sucking on his finger. "It's always sad when family doesn't understand."

Clark was glad Lex couldn't see him blush in the gloom. There'd been a little too much of this... subtext for fingersucking to seem remotely innocent at this point. Which was... pretty scary.

In that way where they'd pretty much been cuddling for most of the movie. Or, Lex was cuddling. Clark was being cuddled. Clark was enjoying being cuddled.

In that way where he was going to start fidgeting in ways four year olds just don't pretty quickly. Think of something to say.

"Pete said his sister had made him watch this movie with her, like, dozens of times. Doesn't that seem odd?"

"Heh. Maybe she likes boys on their knees."

Clark laughed a little breathlessly. "Who doesn't?" And yep, he just said that. Tried to decide whether or not he was just going with the program, or... going with the other program that had fingersucking and cuddling.

"Now, remember Clark -- 'Lex is a spoilsport.' Say it with me."

"Lex is a spoilsport."

"'Lex did not make me see dirty, sick gayness in the bad movie.'"

"Lex *couldn't* make me see dirty, sick gayness because Clark is not, in fact, blind." Grinned at Lex.

Who just looked back at him for long moments.

Made Clark swallow.

"So you're not blind. Hmm. Tell me about this scene, then."

And Clark looked at the screen just in time to see Sammy staring -- open-mouthed, of course -- at his brother, who was... very clearly begging.

Presumably to be let in.

Except that that's really not what it sounded like.


Lex's other hand on his arm. "Just watch."

Michael and Sammy were just... huddling together on the floor and Michael was pretty much all over Sammy and they were looking deep into each other's eyes and yeah, that was a sick song and.

Clark swallowed again. "That's really. Wrong. I mean, I think I've been perved, Lex."

Low laugh, and Lex was still half-turned to face him. "Perved?"

"Jesus, they're brothers!"

"Well, you could just say Michael was desperate and scared, and that's what made him sound like... that."

"Could we? Go with that explanation? Because I'm starting to be really glad that I'm an only child."

"Sure, Clark. It's much, much less sick to think about Michael and the gayest vampires ever filmed."

"Well, it is! In that way where I'm never going to be able to watch another Joel Schumacher film again."

"Really, you should be thanking me for that." Lex still touching him. Facing him.

Which wasn't that weird, considering that Clark wasn't exactly focused on the movie himself. "Should I?"

"... yeah."

"What else should I be doing?"

Lex gave a breathless laugh of his own. "Flirting less obviously?"

Winced. "Oh. I. Sorry..."

"No, I mean... I didn't mean that the way it sounded, okay? I mean, I am the one that's been hitting on you for the past hour..."

"Several weeks."


"You've been hitting on me for several weeks."

"You noticed?"

"That not-blind thing? In full effect." Which wasn't precisely true, but, yeah, well, it made sense.

"Hm. Do you mind?"


"Even worse."

"That's... a pretty masochistic way of looking at the world, Lex."

And suddenly Lex wasn't touching him anymore. "Look at it this way: If the underaged boy doesn't know I'm flirting with him, nothing can possibly happen -- from ill-advised sex to said underaged boy freaking out and running for the hills."

Which... isn't quite right. "Lex, if you thought I was going to flip out, you would've given me a much less explicit lesson in subtext today."

"Well, I told you I was going to make you suffer."

"You had to notice I wasn't really suffering."

"Stop making me question my motives, farmboy."

Clark grinned. "No. Tell me more about the ill-advised sex."


"Well, Pete did mention today that friends could have meaningless sex with each other..."

"Is there something I should know about Pete?"

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"No, I'm not -- Clark."


"Watch the movie."

"The movie really blows, Lex."

"You're the one who wanted to see it!"

"I changed my mind. Didn't you just have your arm around me?"

"My God, I'm trapped in a movie theater with a horny teenaged boy..."

"Honestly, Lex, I think that's worth more of a 'woo-hoo' than a 'my god.'"

Lex snickered. "You sound pretty confident about that."

"Well, I was thinking you could sort of go with the theme and contribute to my fall from grace, complete with disturbing music."

"Clark. Can we inject a little sanity into these proceedings?"




Throaty laugh. "Then come here."

And Clark froze. Because he wasn't really... and it wasn't as though he'd expected Lex to... well, what had he expected? Nowhere near enough terror to beat back this... want. And he was just about to lean over, when,

"I thought so. Clark... I think we should probably go. Or I should go. Or, if we both go, it should be in separate directions. I'm reasonably sure that made sense."

"If I say it didn't, can I kiss you?"


Clark didn't bother waiting for a more coherent response, just leaned in and brushed his lips over Lex's cheek. Meant to go for something more serious but, God, so smooth.

Warm and smooth and Clark had to nuzzle him. Knocked the popcorn out of his lap and grabbed that -- pink, dammit -- shirt and kissed and rubbed until he got to Lex's mouth.


Wet lips and he must've licked them and Clark had to lick them, too. Kiss him there and, yeah, okay, this was a real kiss and he didn't want to screw it up but it was getting very, very hard to focus on anything resembling technique.

Especially when Lex finally touched him again.

Hand on his face, moving up into his hair and just.

Gripping him there. Hard enough that Clark wondered if Lex was trying to pull him back, but then Lex started sucking on his tongue.

Too good. Much too good, and Clark had no idea what to do next. Or, well, he knew what he wanted to do, but...

Ask. He could ask.

Broke the kiss with a wet sound that went straight to his cock. Jesus. "Lex... can I touch you? And you're only allowed to say no if you really don't want me to."

"Who made up that rule?"

"Um... God?"

"I don't believe in God."

"Lex... please." And Clark felt him shudder. Sense memory of Lex squeezing his shoulder and dipping his head a little when Clark had... begged. Before.

Oh. Oh, wow.

"Clark. I shouldn't --"

"Lex is a spoilsport. Lex definitely didn't make out with me in the movie theater."

Another one of those low, breathless laughs, and Clark thought about just doing it. Slipping his fingers between the buttons of Lex's shirt, pulling his collar down and putting his mouth on the pulse and licking and maybe sucking there and, apparently, his hands took those thoughts as orders because, oh God, Lex wasn't wearing anything underneath his shirt.

Just... more of that smooth skin, even low enough on Lex's belly that there *should've* been hair and Clark couldn't hold in a moan.

Watched Lex tilt his head back and barely managed not to just crawl on top of him.

No clue just how much the projectionist could and couldn't see.

Found Lex's pulse and had to suck.

Harder when Lex's hand slipped into his hair again and he pulled Clark closer.

Lex liked this, and that was... a very, very good thing.

Clark tugged Lex's shirt out of his pants as gently as he could, absolutely determined not to shred anything if at all possible. Lex's belly jumped beneath his hand, hitched with every breath and, God, yes, everything was smooth.

No hair anywhere, not even around the hard little nipples that made Lex gasp when he pinched them.

Pulled back from licking Lex's throat to kiss him again, getting his free hand around his skull and pulling Lex in closer. Tried to make the kiss as deep as he could, something utterly necessary in making sure Lex knew exactly how much this was turning him on.

Clark wanted so much more.

Sucked Lex's lip and licked all around his mouth and moved back enough to take a breath. Everything tasted like sex.

And, well, popcorn.

"Lex... are you. Are you hairless. Everywhere?"

Lex grinned at him, shiny and sharp. "You've been pretty ambitious so far, Clark... why don't you find out?"

Had to grab his own cock and squeeze at the sound of that voice. So close and Lex hadn't even... Christ. And Clark decided that it would probably be a good idea to get his pants open before he had to squelch his way home. Eased the zipper down as carefully as he could and took a deep breath.

Flushed at the scent of himself suddenly heavy on the air. Weirdly embarrassing despite everything else, but then,

"Oh, Clark..."

Looked up just in time to see Lex licking his lips. Very obviously focused on Clark's. Cock. Oh. "Will you. Will you touch me?"

"Is that what you want?"

"God yes..."

Lex pulled him in for another kiss, absolutely in control and fucking Clark's mouth with his tongue and Clark could feel himself dripping pre-come steadily. Whimpered into the kiss and earned a bite to his lower lip.

"Put your foot up on the seat in front of you, Clark... no, this one. Yeah."

And then Lex was ducking under his leg and, Jesus, kneeling between his thighs right. There. "Lex --"

"Put it in my mouth, Clark..."

"Oh God, you're gonna make me come..."

"That's the idea." Rough voice like an invisible hand right where Clark needs it most. "C'mon, do it..."

And getting himself to move is a lot like trying to breathe through syrup, heavy and hard and his cock twitched before he even got his hand on it. Lex licked his lips again and leaned forward until he was just barely not touching him. "Lex, I... God, I won't be able to stop myself..."

But Lex just looked at him, and Clark couldn't wait anymore. Gripped himself much too hard and aimed his cock at Lex's mouth. Which opened for him immediately.

Pushed in and couldn't hold in the sound he made. Humiliatingly close to a whine, but God, the heat.

Heat and wet and so soft and Lex was going down on him.

Eyes closed and that dreamy look was back.


Sexy as hell and Clark couldn't tear his eyes away. Didn't want to blink.

Got his shaky hands under control enough that he could trust himself to touch Lex, ghosting over his (naked) scalp and trying not to just clutch him.

And then Lex started to suck and Clark had to throw his head back and hold on.

Bucking into Lex's mouth and stuffing a hand in his mouth to keep from screaming the place down and there was bad 80s rock playing somewhere in the universe next door, where Clark Kent was not getting a blowjob that threatened to make his brain short out.

Lex pulled off. "You're so fucking sexy like this, Clark."

Whipped his head forward and tried not to look as stupidly betrayed as he felt. He knew Lex wouldn't leave him like this, but God, he just wanted his mouth back now. "Lex..." Could barely recognize his own voice.

"I'm going to swallow your cock now."

"Oh God --"

"Are you gonna come for me, Clark?" Hands on his thighs, spreading him wider.

"Please --"

And Lex didn't make him wait any longer, just swallowed him in a ridiculously smooth move that made Clark groan before he remembered to shove his fist back in his mouth.

Just a few seconds of heat and slick and tight and Clark was pumping down Lex's throat, a helpless white-out that left him shaking and desperate to do that as often as possible.

Half-conscious sense of Lex licking him clean and, God, tucking him away. Clark blinked himself back to something like awareness to find Lex staring down at the floor with something like rueful amusement.

"You've got gum on your knees, don't you?"

"Well, I'm hoping it's gum..."

Clark laughed. "Hey, this isn't that kind of theater. It's gum."

"Clark, I just sucked you off. Right here. It's that kind of theater."

Which made sense. In that way where Clark had to kind of stare off into space for a few seconds at the utter whoa of that statement. Grinned down at Lex. "Um. I'm not sure if I can fit down there, but I would like. To touch you."

"Mm. Have I mentioned that this is a bad idea?"

"Yes, and I refused to acknowledge it."

Lex banged his head against Clark's thigh a few times. "Will you also refuse to acknowledge that we're screwing in public when the cops come to drag me away?"

"'Lex is a spoilsport. Lex never, ever let me suck his dick.'"

"Oh, fuck." And Clark jerked at the feel of Lex biting him through his jeans.

"C'mon, Lex, help me figure out how to do this."

And then Lex just... stood up. Undid his belt and wow, okay, but...

"Lex. Um. What if the projectionist looks down?"

Made him pause with just the button of his slacks undone. "You're worrying about that now?"

"Well, it wasn't really obvious before..."

Lex snorted. "It isn't really obvious now. The only thing the projectionist can see is the reflection of the movie on the glass. Trust me. I've been in those booths."

"Doing what?"

"Hopefully, what you're about to do."

Clark grinned and reached for the zipper. The annoyingly small zipper that didn't want to co-operate with his fingers. Got it down and, wow. Silk.

Lex hot and hard beneath it and Clark leaned in.

Breathed in.

"Lex... you smell so good..."

Gasp from above him and yeah, Clark was going to do this. Eased the boxers down carefully. Blinked.

"God, you are... bare."

Hand in his hair again and Clark pushed back against it. Felt Lex's palm shape itself to his skull and. Licked.

"Jesus, Clark --"

"Just let me know if I do anything wrong..."

Edged laugh. "I'll do that."

Clark wrapped his fist around the base of Lex's cock and felt his own cock twitch way too soon at the feel. So smooth. Hard and sleek and alive in his hand. Licked his lips and leaned in to press a kiss against the leaking head.

Lex's hand jerked in his hair. Stilled. Curled as Clark made it a real kiss, opening his mouth and tonguing the slit gently just to get the taste.

"Oh God..."

Salt and weirdly sweet and Clark wanted. More. Sucked on the head and stroked a little, trying to figure out what Lex would like. Trying to remember more of what Lex had done beyond 'a really good job.'

Sucked harder and got his first thrust. Shock of it made his eyes go wide and Lex was tugging his hair again. "Clark... take more. Please."

Shuddered and needed more of everything, as much as he could get. Slipped his free hand down the back of Lex's pants and cupped silky skin over tight muscle. Pulled Lex in and squeezed and opened his mouth wider and yes. God. More.

Slick weight of Lex's cock on his tongue, head nudging at his palate and Clark was drooling. Couldn't make himself care about it because Lex was hard in his mouth.

He was sucking Lex's cock and it was good, so much better than everything he'd told himself he hadn't really been dreaming about. Musky-hot and real the way sex must be every time.

Something like pure joy at the fact of that, that anything could be this incredible and something that could be done... more.

Every day even.

Grinned around Lex's cock and sucked a little harder. Worked his mouth up and down the shaft and looked up to find Lex just... watching him.

Mouth open and eyes wide, just so utterly focused on Clark. Had to close his eyes against that look, intense in ways Clark wasn't sure he'd be able to define with a gun to his head. A meteor rock gun.

Definitely not making any sense and Clark gave up on thinking about more than the cock in his mouth. The skin under his palm.

Wanted both hands free for this, but he didn't have any clue how to take more of Lex's cock than he already had. Long and thick and so obscenely bare and in his mouth.

Leaking in his mouth and fucking its way into his mouth, against the back of his throat when Clark urged him on a little.

"Oh Christ --"

Absolutely impossible not to use both hands, to keep his free hand still, but Lex didn't seem to mind. Guided Clark's hand to his cleft and Clark had to moan.

So hot there, hotter at the small, wrinkled hole that's suddenly desperately important.

Teased at it as gently as he could, trying to look a question into Lex's eyes.

Lex had his eyes closed, though. Lips still parted and, oh, God, one thrust and back and the tip of Clark's finger just... slipped in.

Clark swallowed helplessly and suddenly Lex was in his throat , gasping out some wordless cry and fucking him and Clark's finger was in to the first knuckle now and Lex was almost tearing at his hair and Clark couldn't tell if he wanted him to stop or just --

"Fuck, Clark, yes --"

Which answered that question.

Worked his finger in a little deeper and just let Lex ride him.

Let his free hand roam up under his shirt and Lex's skin was so good, sleeked with hot sweat and absolutely nothing was better than this.

Ice cream and breaking the sound barrier and orgasms and none of it compared to watching Lex just break above him, all bitten off moans and ragged thrusts and when Clark's finger was all the way in Lex's eyes just shot open.

Pinned Clark with a look and then shuddered hard, knees collapsing as he came.

Clark held on and swallowed and swallowed pushed Lex back a little. Sucked until Lex finally pushed him off and half-fell back into his own seat.


Tried to find his soda.


Tried to focus on the screen.


Listened to Lex pant.


"Jesus fucking Christ, Clark."


"... yeah?"


Lex laughed. And kept laughing until he was choking.

Clark patted him on the back. Grinned at him broadly when he recovered. "So was that what you meant by ill-advised?"

"Yes. Yes it was."

"Gotcha." Grinned some more. "When do we do it again?"

"When Joel Schumacher learns shame."

"Don't make me pout at you, Lex."

"I'm immune."

"Don't make me grope you, Lex."

"I'm... hell."

Clark threw an arm around Lex's shoulders. Ignored Lex's glare. Eventually, Lex gave a long-suffering sigh and leaned into his touch. Clark didn't think he would stop grinning for a while. It seemed to work pretty well. "Is there any more popcorn?"

"It's all over the floor."

"Hm. Is there any more subtext?"

"Michael doesn't get to fuck his little brother. He does, however, get to impale David."



"'Lex is a spoilsport. Lex definitely did not turn me into a pervert.'"

"You can't grin when you say that."

"I'll work on that."

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Clark --"

"Can we go back to your place?"


"Can we make out in your car?"

"... no."

"Ha! You hesitated. You've thought about that, haven't you?"

"I plead the fifth."


"Clark, are you daring me to talk about my fantasies about you? Because I'm actually not a twelve year old boy."


"I'm not listening to you anymore."

"Did you, you know, bend me over the hood or something?"


"Or maybe I bent you over the hood... mm. And we're on a deserted road -- there are lots of those around here, by the way -- and you're hard, and then..."

"And then what?"

Clark smirked. "I thought you weren't listening to me."

"Christ, do you even know what I'd do with you bent over my car?"

"The internet is a young man's friend, Lex."

"That's not an answer."

"Well, okay, fine. You already know I'm a virgin. But... I'd let you."

"You'd let me what, Clark?" And Lex's voice was muted and hard.

Settled low and heavy in Clark's belly. Coiled there. "Fuck me."

"... you'll have to lie to everyone."

"... ouch."

"Because, even if you do feel like being out and proud in Smalltown, America, I'm reasonably sure you'd like to be out and proud with your lover out of prison."

"... you want to be my lover?"

"Clark... That's not the point."

"I think it is."

"I think you're fifteen years old."

"I think you want me anyway."

Lex sighed. Scrubbed a hand over his scalp. "Yeah. I do. But, Clark, Jesus, you're too young for... secrets."

Clark grabbed Lex's hand and waited until Lex was looking at him. "'Lex thinks far too fucking highly of himself if he thinks that I don't. Already have secrets.'"

"Oh?" And Lex sounded... dangerously calm.

"Yeah. 'Oh.'"

"So you're ready to lie to your parents? Your friends? Sneak out of the house in the middle of the night? Date some hapless girl when people start getting suspicious? She'll probably love you, Clark. You have that effect on people."

Clark grit his teeth. One thing at a time. "I'm the school freak, Lex. No one will get suspicious."

"And the lies?"

"I already lie to my friends. I. Lie to you."

"Do you?"

"I don't want to use my secrets like... like bargaining chips. Tell me you'll do this. With me."

Dark laugh. "Well, how could I not? You'd pout at me if I said no."

Squeezed Lex's hand a little too hard. "Say you'll do it, Lex."

Low sigh. "You're a bad liar, Clark."

"Good enough that you don't know what I've been lying to you about ."

"How fucked is it to base a relationship on how good we can lie?"

"How fucked is it to pretend we don't want each other just because there are things in the way?"

"Didn't this start out innocently? There was the movie, and the snarking --"

"And the flirting."

"And the goddamned flirting, yes. Fuck. Shit. Fuck."

"'Lex is a spoilsport. He never curses --'"

"Oh, fuck you, Clark."

Clark snickered. Squeezed Lex's hand gently. "We'll figure it out, you know."

"Yeah, fine, whatever, sure. I can just chalk it up to arrested development, delayed rebellion, something like that. It will all make sense to the nice judge and your Dad's shotgun."

"I can run faster than a bullet."

"And you ripped the roof off my car to save my life. After I hit you at sixty miles per hour."

"Pretty much, yeah. And ow, by the way."

"... you're being serious."

"Well, yeah. Except for the ow. It didn't really hurt."

"... I need a drink."

"Let's go back to your place."

"You're being serious."

Clark sighed, pulled away from Lex. "Move your arm. No, this arm. Yeah, off the armrest." And then he ripped the armrest off, wincing at the scream of metal.


"Let's go back to your place before the projectionist wonders what that sound was."

"... okay."

Lex moved to stand up and Clark yanked him back for another kiss. Slow and wet and hot enough to make Clark start to wonder how much time was left in the movie.

Managed to pull back, though. Gave Lex a nudge.

The sunlight after the darkened theater was like the world's friendliest punch to the face. Lex had, of course, put his sunglasses on in the lobby. He looked absolutely collected with them on, pale and smooth and unaffected.

Raised an eyebrow at Clark, and he eventually realized that that was kind of the point.

Right, okay. Secrets. Just like the powers. Sure. No leering at Lex in public. Laughed to himself and got in the car.

And stayed on his side right up until they hit the cornfields, at which point Lex's thigh became too tempting to resist.

Lex just smirked at him and pushed Clark's hand closer to his crotch.

"We didn't resolve a goddamned thing, you know."

"True, but. Well, orgasms."





"How did I get to be the slut?"

"You're older. You took advantage of my innocence. My wholesome innocence, I might add."

Lex just smirked.

And dropped his foot on the gas pedal.