Note: Complete silliness.
Barry: "I *swear*, where's Dr. Spock when you need him?"
Hal: "What's up?"
Ollie: "Dr. Spock? Anything we should know about Iris?"
Ollie: "Fine, fine, what's the trouble with Wally?"
Barry: "I -- you and Bruce have it *easy* --"
Bruce: *appears, battishly* "How is that?"
Barry: "Your kids are human, you know what they're going
through, you've *been* there."
Ollie: *snort* "C'mon, that Wally seems normal enough. A
little jittery, but hey --"
Barry: "*I* was human when I was his age, and he's just --"
*flustered gesture of Barrence-ness*
Hal: *rubs Barry's shoulder* "Did he vibrate through another
one of your cabinets again?"
Barry: "No --"
Bruce: "Have you considered experiments --"
Hal: "Easy, easy, what --"
Barry: "None of you have any *idea* what it's like to work with
a boy who has to... to..." *tiny gesture of slightly less
Ollie: *double eyebrow*
Barry: "*Anyway*. Seventeen *times* before he can even focus
enough to say, 'sorry, Uncle Barry, I can't really think right now.'"
Bruce: "Hm." *the hm of 'Dick is usually entirely functional after 7'*
Hal: *scrunch-face* "Wait, are we talking about..." *GESTURE*
Barry: *blush* "YES! I... yes."
Ollie: *snickering helplessly*
Hal: "Seven*teen*? Really?"
Barry: "On average. I --"
Ollie: "You did the *math*?"
Ollie: "Okay, okay, ease up there Officer Anal. I was just askin'."
Bruce: "It's... getting in the way of his duties?"
Barry: "What? No! Not really. He's a *good* kid. Really *tries*."
Bruce: "Maybe *trying* isn't --"
Barry: "*Watch* it, Bruce. Wally's *fine*."
Bruce: "Which is why you're in this state, of course."
Hal: "Hey, hey, now, Barry's got a point. It's a whole new world. All
us with powers *got* them as adults. These kids are going through
things no one else has *ever* gone through before."
Ollie: *grunt* "Kinda makes you wonder what the kids get up to in
that Tower of theirs."
Hal: "Hey, they're *kids* --"
Bruce: *blink* <--behind the cowl, no one can see it
Ollie: "Look, I don't know about tall, grim, and repressed here, but
three of *us* were fifteen once upon a time. Am I right?"
Hal: *sigh* "Did I ever tell you about Billie Lewis? She had the
Hal: *koff* "Right, okay. So... I mean... wow, Barry. The poor kid!"
Barry: "Exactly. He does about three loads of laundry every *day* --
and sometimes I catch him going to the *laundromat* -- and he's still
getting *used* to his powers. The last time he kissed a girl..."
Barry: "She didn't remember anything after regaining consciousness,
thankfully. I'm pretty sure Wally convinced her she'd gotten hit in the
face with a. Well, with a soccer ball."
Hal: *tiny choke*
Ollie: *clears throat -much- too loudly*
Ollie: "No, no, I'm sympathetic. I mean, sure, I just introduced Roy
a few of my lady-friends, and *that* went fine, but..."
Bruce: "Are you talking about *prostitutes*?"
Ollie: "Everybody has to eat, Bruce. We didn't *all* get born with a
silver spoon in our mouths, you know --"
Bruce: "No. Just you and *I*."
Ollie: "That's what I meant, you sanctimonious --"
Ollie: "That's probably *why* your Robin is such a strange -- heh --
duck. You've got him wearing those panties so tight he doesn't --"
Ollie: "What kid in his right mind would *choose* to go around dressed
Hal: "Well, Garth does --"
Ollie: "You're just making my point *for* me."
Barry: "Can we please get back to the topic? Please?"
Ollie: "Okay, okay, your boy is attempting to make fire with his right
hand and his wing-wang. He *can't* just get a woman."
Bruce: *silent, but considering, not for the first time, how to maim
team-mates, and anyway Roy's uniform is -yellow-*
Hal: "Did you just say 'wing-wang?'
Ollie: "Stay on *topic*, greenjeans! The kid needs our help!"
Bruce: "*Have* you done any studies on the boy's physiology? There
Barry: "Wally is not going under a microscope!"
Hal: "Look, Wally *is* a Titan. Those kids *do* live with each other
of the time. Heck, they probably know more about each other's powers
than *we* do."
Bruce: "You're not suggesting --"
Hal: "Hey, they're our -- well, *your* -- responsibility. We could do
by them than giving 'em a few pamphlets and a crate of condoms."
Barry: "Possibly three crates."
Bruce: "I see. And have you considered how *Wonder Woman* will
react to this little plan?"
Bruce: "Unless Hal *didn't* just suggest encouraging our wards and
partners to molest Wonder Girl as often as possible."
Ollie: "Hey, now, Donna's a free, liberated young woman of the --"
Barry: "Oh, keep it in your *pants*, Queen! For *once*!"
Ollie: "*Hal* and I are the ones trying to come up with a *solution*
Hal: "Maybe the Titans could, you know, recruit *more* girls? Women.
Bruce: "Meta-human prostitutes. *That's* an improvement."
Ollie: "Don't knock it --"
Ollie: "I'm just *saying*."
Ollie: "Well, make *Bats* come up with a suggestion, then. He *is*
supposed to be the smart one."
Barry: *tears at crew-cut quietly for a moment, then looks plaintively
Hal: *quietly thinking of Billie's sweet --*
Bruce: "Even assuming Diana wouldn't geld all of us for thinking of
and that Donna herself was... amenable, it would be biologically
impractical, to say the least."
Ollie: *frown* "You *have* seen her fight, right?"
Hal: *snaps out of it* "No, wait, Bruce is right. I read about this."
*gesture* "Sexual peak thing, right?"
Barry: "You *do* read it for the articles?"
Ollie: "The ones with 'sex' in the title --"
Bruce: "In *any* event, the entire idea is unworkable."
Ollie: "And yet you *still* haven't come up with anything better."
Bruce: "One, Wally -- and the others, as far as we know -- are already
doing all right on their own."
Barry: "Do you know how *quickly* linen gets threadbare when you're
washing it every other day? *I* didn't. *Iris* informed me --"
Bruce: "Two, none of them would appreciate us having even *considered*
having this conversation."
Hal: "We *have* to help these kids out, Bruce --"
Bruce: "Three, we *have* all been fifteen years old. We *all* made it
alive." *LOOK at Ollie* "Somehow."
Ollie: "Are you -- *you* -- seriously suggesting that the rest of *us*
the hell out?"
Barry: "Seventeen *times*, Bruce! First round!"
Hal: "*First* round? How is he staying *hydrated*?"
Barry: "We spent four thousand dollars on Zesti-Ade last year, Hal."
Ollie: *low, appreciative whistle*
Hal: "*Anyway*, is it really *responsible* for us to just let them...
out on their own?"
Bruce: "Gentlemen, at this point it's the most responsible thing we
Believe me when I say that I'm no happier about it than the rest of you. But
I trust Dick, and Barry trusts Wally, and the others trust *their* wards. At
this point, I believe it's the best we can do."
Everyone: *thoughtful pause*
Barry: "I... you're right. I think." *frown*
Ollie: *claps Bruce on the shoulder* "Well, Bats, I gotta admit I didn't
you had it in you."
Hal: "Really? Seriously?"
Ollie: "I still say it wouldn't be a *bad* idea to stock the Tower up
Barry: *frown* "There are... so *many* ways the kids could take that
Ollie: "Badly is their problem. *Safely* is ours. *Whatever* they wind
Bruce: "Hm. Agreed." *silently plans to show Dick the filmstrips collected
on the effects of syphilis*
Hal: "Well, guardians know best, I guess. Man, I think I'm gonna have
*kiss* Itty when I get home."
Bruce: "Perhaps Ollie could introduce it to some of his starfish friends."
Ollie: "Oh, now you're just asking for it."