... a story that pairs a character with (one of) his or her father-figure's canon sweetheart(s).

Dick's been trying to *get* the Catwoman thing for
more years than he likes to think about. It's been the
background thought -- or maybe the backdrop -- for
dozens of capers, encounters, extended chases through
Gotham which somehow always wound up with him alone at
a dead end while Batman (*Bruce*) is decidedly somewhere
else. And --

Catwoman tends to prefer the kind of lipstick which,
once it's smeared (kissed) on, isn't very easy to scrub

He has many too many memories of the cowl just not being
*full* enough to hide the places where Bruce has scrubbed
himself raw, and the places where that wasn't good enough.

Maybe she has Ivy make them for her. It would explain --
a lot.

Though not why she's still *here*, even though she's got
Dick trussed up like a really disturbingly sexual kind
of Christmas turkey -- okay, ew.

"*You're* pretty quiet tonight, Boy Wonder."

"I thought you might've already gotten the memo about how
you're not gonna get away with this, *Selina*."

"Ouch! So *cynical*," she says, and all the hip-action
she's putting into her walk makes it last a lot longer.
And, okay -- she is attractive, but if she brings that
claw even one *inch* closer to Dick's mask...

"You shouldn't play with fire, if you etcetera, etcetera,
etcetera," she says, and the claw traces a straight,
burning line down Dick's cheek.

Dick sets his face in a scowl and ignores the way it
pulls on the scratch. He's had worse. She paces around
the pole, stroking at the ropes --

It's not that he doesn't see it. She *is* very attractive,
and athletic, and smart. She's only crazy enough to be a
criminal, as opposed to all the other kinds of crazy. The
perfume she wears on nights like this isn't, actually,
designed to kill humans or even make them crazy.

Not that kind of crazy --

"You're growing up *fast*," she says, and taps one claw
against the back of Dick's thigh.

"I think that must mean you're getting old," he says -- and
winces at the feel of her slicing his thigh.

"Didn't Daddy teach you how to be polite?"

"He's not -- look, you're not going to -- you don't have
anything I want."

By the time he's finished stammering, she's in front of him
again, eyebrow raised in the shadow of her cowl, false ears
pointing away.

"You never did."

"Oh, I think you want me to be hurt. Is that it?" She
reaches, fast as a strike -- and cups him between his legs.

"Selina --"

The shorts aren't armored enough to keep them from being
pierced, and while he can't *hear* those claws scraping
over his jock -- probably fraying the thing -- he can feel

It makes -- it makes his teeth itch, and if she'd just go
*away*, he could start getting free.

"You should be nicer to me, kid."

"Not -- gonna happen."

"Or maybe I should just be grateful that not *everything*
changes in this big, *bad* world...?"

"You --"

The kiss is as hard -- harder -- than the squeeze she's
giving him, and he's not -- he doesn't *do* this. A part of
his mind gives him an image of Batgirl, of Babs in those
*heels*, dancing on them as she punches, laughs, *fights* --

That part of his mind is *crazy*. Dick hadn't meant to open
his mouth, and he hadn't meant -- he's not *quite* kissing
back, but Selina lets him know that she can feel the
difference. That sound can't be called anything but a purr,
and that feel can't be known as anything but Dick starting
to get hard.

For *this* --

Dick moans, twists his head away -- and feels lipstick
smearing across his cheek.

And a warm, sharp tongue doing nothing to take it away.

"Teenagers are always *so* hasty," she says, and lets Dick

He can't stop himself from gasping, but the green fabric on
her claws feels like enough of a justification. He stares at
her --

She stares back, but there are sirens in the distance. "Ooh,
sometimes it's a *trial* being so popular, Boy-friend."

Her backflips are perfect, her stick a little shaky -- and
then she's gone.

Dick bangs his head against the pole once, twice -- and settles
into the job of getting himself free. Bruce is going to need
him -- eventually.