Disclaimers: Not mine, sad to say.
Summary: Revenge is a dish best served with cookies.
Ratings Note: PG.
Author's Note: Bas and I were talking. THIS happened.
Acknowledgments: All to Bas, for encouraging me in my
evil, offering numerous suggestions, and giving me the
Feedback: If you DARE. email@example.com
Really, there was only so much one man could take. Granted,
it was up to that man to know his own limits and live
accordingly, but *still*.
Xavier thought he was doing quite well, considering. His
students were actually learning both about their powers
and the world around them, and his teachers were only
having a *few* clandestine affairs that were bound to
end in tragedy. He'd daresay any headmaster would be
envious of his successes, and sympathetic toward his
Failures, like the fact that one disastrous appointment
with St John and his damnable habit of carrying around
things like *kerosene* in his backpack, followed by
another -- albeit brief -- appointment with Logan and
his damnable cigars had left his lovely, antique desk a
Really, more of an above-ground crater than anything
resembling a desk.
He'd have to add a few items to the list of items
students were simply not allowed to carry around.
Xavier sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Um. Sorry about that, Chuck. Really should've smelled
the. Kerosene." Logan coughed.
Xavier pinched harder.
"You have... ah. A splinter. On your lapel. Just kind
of... jutting. Out." Logan coughed again, and Xavier
realized the man was *laughing*.
Xavier glared and Logan just laughed harder, falling
into a crouch and covering his mouth.
"Jesus, you just, you should've seen your *face*. It
"Logan. What did I tell you about *smoking* within
The man's eyebrows shot up. "Hey, now, that was
just in Cerebro, you wouldn't really..."
"I mean, hey now, let's not be hasty here --"
Xavier concentrated hard.
"You don't really want to --"
"I mean, it's all fun and games until --" Logan blinked.
Looked down at himself curiously. And sat down
tailor-fashion on the floor. And began sucking his
Xavier smiled. "Hello, Loganette. How are you today?"
The thumb came out with a wet pop. "Your office
Xavier positively beamed. "You're absolutely right. Why
don't we take a walk around the school instead?"
Loganette grinned back. "Okay!"
The first person they met was Bobby, drinking a soda
that was probably cold enough to break the teeth of
anyone else. "Bobby! Nice to see you."
"Hey, Professor. Hey... Logan." Bobby eyed them
Xavier looked up to find Loganette sucking his thumb
again and staring up shyly through his lashes.
At moments like these, he often wished he wore leather
gloves, or had a particularly surly cat to stroke. He
smiled instead. "Loganette here is learning an
*important* lesson about smoking. Say 'hello' to
"Loganette? ... smoking? Um. Yeah. I think... I think I
have homework to do bye."
Bobby took off with some speed, presumably to his
Loganette frowned. "Didn't he wanna talk?"
Xavier patted his arm. "I suppose not, Loganette. Why
don't we see who else we can find?"
The next person they met was Jean, coming out of her
lab and looking rather distracted.
"Jean! I have someone I want you to meet."
She smiled automatically, and looked around, eyes floating
right past Loganette before settling on him with shock.
"Meet Loganette, Jean." He could see the man waving
shyly out of the corner of his eye.
"He... he thinks he's *six*!"
Xavier looked up again. Loganette was frowning
thunderously. "I *am* six! I turned six just. Um. I don't
know! But I'm six. I'm not a baby!"
"Loganette and I were having a chat about smoking,
"About... oh." She blinked. Swallowed. Bit her lip. "You
know, Loganette, I have some ribbons in my room."
Jean smiled sweetly. "You know, for your hair. You have
*very* pretty hair."
Loganette smiled and shuffled his feet. "Thank you."
Xavier smiled and steepled his fingers. "Why don't we
*all* go see if we can find the ribbons?"
And off they went, passing somewhat shocky-looking
students on the way. Jean radiated amusement like heat.
*He's gonna kill us for this.*
*I do believe it will have been worth it.*
Abruptly, Loganette paused and leaned in close to Jean.
"Your hair smells funny."
Jean frowned for a moment before breaking into a sunny
smile. "Do you like pink, Loganette?"
"Oooh, yes!" Loganette bounced and giggled, leather
jacket flapping and boots clomping on the floor.
They found the ribbons with little difficulty. And a string
of imitation pearls. And a dress Scott had bought for
Jean in the early stages of their relationship, before the
notion of sizes had gotten into his brain.
Or the notion of style.
"That bow on the bodice is quite... *something*, Jean."
"It's a gorgeous shade of fuchsia, don't you think? But
really, it's nothing compared to these lovely pleats, don't
Xavier bit the inside of his cheek and watched Loganette
skipping through Jean and Scott's bedroom. "Scott
wouldn't happen to have bought you any *shoes*...?"
And really, Jean could smile quite viciously when she
put her mind to it. "Sadly, no."
Just then, Scott himself walked in.
And stopped dead.
And blinked. Not that you could really tell, but Xavier felt
sure he blinked, just the same.
Jean turned her smile on him. "The Professor was just
teaching Loganette about all the reasons he shouldn't
"Smoking is icky!" One of Loganette's hair bows was
starting to slip. His hands were firmly planted on his
Scott leaned against the doorframe and smiled. "You
Loganette beamed. "I *do* say." Giggled. "What's
Scott bowed. "My name's Scott, Loganette. It's a
pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Loganette giggled some more. "You're *silly*."
Scott grinned harder. "Say, Professor, you wouldn't
happen to have taught Loganette any lessons about
stealing people's motorcycles?"
"Stealing is WRONG!"
Scott gazed heavenward and wrapped an arm around
Jean's waist. "I knew there was a reason I picked this
Xavier sighed in satisfaction. "Doing good is its own
reward, Scott." He looked over to find Loganette frowning
around at the room. "What is it, dear?"
"Do you have any dollies?"
Scott frowned sadly. "No we don't, sweetie."
Loganette scuffed at the carpet with his boots. "Oh."
"But I bet I know who does!"
Xavier imagined they made quite a procession as they
moved through the halls. Him in his chair, Scott and Jean
arm in arm, and Loganette skipping gaily ahead, skirt
swinging in counterpoint with the occasional flash of
maple leaf boxers. It was a sight to do a man's heart
As usual, there was something of a quiet party in Jubilee's
room. The stereo was playing something blandly
execrable that nonetheless made Scott tap his feet, and
the room itself was filled with girls in various stages of
getting their hair done, their nails done, or simply
All of it stopped dead when Loganette skipped in.
"Oh. My. God."
Xavier thought that was probably Kitty.
"Jubilee, everyone," Scott was using his Teacher Voice.
"The Professor was just teaching Loganette here a
valuable lesson about what happens when you don't
pay attention to the *rules*. I think we all understand
that, don't we?"
A chorus of agreement.
"But now, Loganette is *all done* with her work, and
wants to play. Isn't that right, Loganette?"
Loganette nodded and waved to the girls. "Hi."
They fell on him like a pack of wolves.
Xavier waved absently and rolled his way back to the
ruin of his office. He'd call in someone to take care of
the wreckage tomorrow, but for now...
Well, the bit of illusion and control he'd worked on
Logan couldn't possibly last *much* longer.
He wondered what color they'd paint his nails.
Xavier smiled to himself.
Perhaps he would see about getting a cat, after all.